He didn’t say anything. And of course he never looked at me.
I had expected nothing less.
“Come on,” I barked. Shane looked confused, Dania looked irritated, and Stu looked downright murderous.
I hadn’t mocked or teased. I hadn’t belittled or bullied.
And I hadn’t been sucked in by his quiet, vulnerable demeanor that resurrected twinges of emotion I hadn’t felt in years.
I turned my back.
I walked away.
I guess there was a first time for everything.
-Ellie-
This felt wrong. I didn’t belong here in my cheap flip-flops held together by Scotch tape and carrying the same backpack that I had in high school.
I stood in the parking lot arguing with myself. One minute I was convinced that this was stupid and I should go home. The next minute I was channeling my inner cheerleader, chantingyou can do itover and over again inside my head.
I looked at my watch. I only had five minutes to find my class. It would be so easy to let those five minutes tick by and forget all about my crazy, delusional fantasies of becomingSuper Ellie, College Student.
“You look lost.”
I startled and gripped the strap of my book bag tightly against my shoulder.
“Excuse me?” I said shortly.
A girl with fly away brown hair and the worst sunburn I had ever seen pointed toward campus.
“You goin’ that way?” she asked, pulling out a cellphone and tapping at the keys.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” I admitted.
“First day?” she asked.
Was it that obvious that I had no clue what I was doing? I drew myself upright; straightening my spine as I always did when going into a situation I was unsure of. Be it a raging house party where a police bust seemed imminent. Or walking into the break yard my first day at Spadardo’s Juvenile Center, just knowing I’d get my ass jumped before the day was out.
So walking onto the too-pretty-to-be-in-Wellsburg college campus should be a piece of cake. Only I wasn’t feeling so sure of that. And I knew it was better to put out a confidence that I didn’t feel. It established a precedent. It showed people you couldn’t be messed with. That you were strong.
Even if you were being deafened by the voice in your head screaming in terror.
But I had a lot of practice at ignoring that voice. And I struggled to do that now as I faced an experience that left me quaking in my tattered flip-flops.
“I can find my way,” I responded, not wanting or needing her help. I had to face this alone, or not at all.
Sunburn cocked her head and leveled her own steely gaze in my direction.
“I’m sure you can,” she mused before tucking her phone back into her pocket.
“But just so you know, classes aren’t usually held in the parking lot. You’ll need to go to an actual building,” she mused.
I should smack the shit out of her. If I weren’t feeling so off balance, I would have. Who the hell did she think she was?
So I ignored her and walked toward the campus quad. I pulled out the slip of paper with the name and location of the class I was supposed to be taking.
It was a basic 101 English Lit class. I had always loved to read. When I was in juvie, it had been my only escape. I practically lived in their tiny, cramped library.
