He taught me that being Ellie McCallum was okay. Because she was flawed and troubled. But she was also smart and capable and worthy of love.
Flynn kissed my mouth tenderly after we were finished. I waited for him to move away from me. He didn’t like the feeling of sweaty, sticky skin. But he stayed where he was, his head lying heavily on my naked chest, his hair tickling my nose.
I felt his body let out a big sigh and my heart tripped over itself.
Some instinct made me nervous.
“Are you okay?” I asked, kissing the top of his head, breathing in his scent, something telling me that I should memorize him and this moment. So I would have it for later.
Flynn rubbed his cheek along the curve of my breast, his arms tightening around me.
“I can’t go with you,” he said.
I tried to sit up and pull away but he was too heavy and kept me pinned to the couch.
“What are you saying?” I demanded. I had been feeling so peaceful, as if the pieces of my life were finally starting to fit together. Now I was in danger of losing it all before I even had it.
Flynn turned his face so that he was looking up at me, his eyes not shying away.
“You know I can’t. I live here. In Wellsburg. It’s too hard for me to leave. I would only make it harder for you. You would end up getting mad at me. You would wish I hadn’t come with you. I went to college, Ellie. Now it’s your turn.”
I shook my head. “No, Flynn. I want you to come! I would never feel that way! I can’t do this without you!” I cried.
Flynn frowned. “Yes, you can. You don’t need me there.”
“But Iwantyou there!” I sobbed, feeling the weight of his refusal in the pit of my stomach.
“I’m going to stay here and be a teacher.” I stopped crying and blinked at him in shock. He had taken the job at the community college?
Flynn traced the curve of my lips with his finger, a sad, tender smile on his face.
“I have to do this for me. You’re not the only one that needs to learn stuff. I’ll just learn my stuff here.” He said and I could here the resolution in his voice. There would be no changing his mind.
“You took the job?” I asked. As miserable as I was to hear that he wouldn’t be coming with me, I was happy to hear this.
Flynn nodded. “So if I’m going to do something that scares me. So should you. That’s what you taught me. That I should still do the things that freak me out. Just because they freak me out. And that I’ll be okay. Better even. And so will you.”
Who was this rational guy?
“Don’t cry, Ellie!” Flynn said firmly and I wanted to scream at him. Why was he doing this? Now? After making me think we had a shot? I didn’t think Flynn was capable of such cruelty.
But then I realized what he was trying to say. And even though I felt my heart splinter, I knew that he wasn’t trying to break it. He was setting me free. Just as Dania had done.
Though I didn’t want him to let me go.
Not ever.
“I can’t do this without you, Flynn. Please. Just think about it!” I pleaded. And even though I felt selfish for saying it, it was true. He had become my strength. He held me up and kept me going. I wasn’t sure I could do this if he wasn’t beside me.
Flynn shook his head and he pulled himself off me. I thought he was trying to get some physical distance and was surprised when he pulled me into his lap.
“You can do this. And you will. I can’t go with you. I can’t leave Wellsburg. I have things to do here. This is my home. This is where I’m making my life. And it’s not your home anymore. You want to go away. You want to leave. And that makes me sad. But I’m happy too. Because you will be going to school and that’s something you want to do. And I’ll be here if you ever want to come back.”
“Can’t your home be with me?” I shook in his arms.
Flynn ran his nose along my hair. “You need to make a home out there first,” was all he said and I knew his mind was made up. And when Flynn made up his mind, there was no changing it.
And a tiny part of me that wasn’t being drowned by my grief, understood what he was doing. I needed to have the opportunity to create a life of my own. Without baggage. Without people and circumstances tying me down.
