Clay shook his head and pulled my hand from his lips. “It willneverhappen again. I swear to you!” he pleaded, pulling on my arms so that I was pressed against him. Our noses brushed and I closed my eyes, resting my forehead on his.
“This night was supposed to be our night. I wanted it to be about us, together. Now I feel mixed up and confused and I just want to stop feeling that way.” I recognized the neediness in my tone. I wasn’t sure what I was asking him to do. I could see that Clay didn’t know, either.
But then I just plunged ahead, without thought of consequences or what it would mean to do this right now after the emotional turmoil of the last few hours. I kissed him, pressing my mouth to his, running my tongue along his bottom lip.
Clay pulled back to stare at me. I knew I was confusing the hell out of him. Damn, I was confusing myself. But I just needed to lose myself in him. To feel that sense of peace that came only when we were close.
I needed to feel his love, not his jealousy or his anger and insecurity.
My body woke up at his close proximity. The physical attraction I felt muddled my brain and made it difficult to think of anything else. I could feel my heart beating against my rib cage and I had a hard time catching my breath as we lay so close together, our legs brushing against each other. Our chests a whisper apart.
I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and tugged him toward me again. This time he resisted. “I don’t know, Maggie. I don’t like doing this when it feels like we still have so much to resolve.” He sighed as I kissed his chin, nibbling his skin.
“Clay. I know you love me. I love you, too. Let’s just forget the drama. Please,” I murmured. I wasn’t entirely sure what possessed me. But I wanted the conflict to be over. I wanted to see the beautiful sparkle in my boyfriend’s eyes. And, yeah, maybe I was using my body to manipulate the situation a bit. But at that moment I didn’t care.
I threw myself into kissing him. Into tasting his mouth and his neck. My hands ran up and down his back as I pressed my chest into his. I felt the slow, dizzying warmth of arousal as he kissed me back with equal ardor.
I pulled his shirt over his head and ran my hands down his bare chest, scraping my nails so that he shivered. I pressed kisses to the flesh below his throat, teasing with my tongue.
Slowly, as if he were waiting for me to stop him, Clay lifted the hem of my shirt and brought it over my head. Clay stared at me, his eyes smoldering with desire and an aching tenderness that made my breath hitch.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered, letting his fingers barely brush the soft fabric that still covered my breasts.
Not waiting for him to do it, I reached up and unsnapped my bra, shrugging out of it and throwing it onto the floor. Clay’s eyes grew large, and then, with agonizing slowness, he lowered his mouth to my waiting nipples. His tongue danced and teased overme.
In that moment, I realized that despite his hang-ups, despite the crazy drama he created, I would love him always. Clay was mine just as surely as I was his. My life and his were inextricably intertwined and there was no denying the intense connection we shared. I wanted to give everything to him, to make him feel whole, and loved, and worthy.
He pressed me to him, our naked skin melding perfectly as he took my mouth again. His hands caressed my flesh and I thought I would burn up inside.
After a forever of this, I unbuttoned his jeans and released the zipper. Clay hissed in a breath and moaned deep in his throat as I put my hands inside and found him. He groaned into my mouth as I rubbed him with unsure fingers. I didn’t really know what I was doing but, given his reaction, I must have been doing it right. My hand slid up and down the length of him, feeling him shudder beneath my grip.
“My God, Maggie!” he moaned into my mouth as my hand’s movements became more confident. I smiled against his lips as his hands palmed my breasts, the pad of his thumbs running over my nipples roughly, making me shiver.
Clay pulled my hand from his hot flesh and grinned at me. “You need to stop doing that, or we’ll be done before we’ve even started.” He began to unbutton my pants. With deft fingers, Clay peeled my jeans back and pushed them down to my ankles, leaving me only in my panties. He rolled on top of me, the feel of his weight sending delightful shivers throughout my body. He rubbed his hand down my side, sliding down to kiss my stomach, my inner thighs, my breasts, and then my mouth again.
“You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. I love you so much.” His words were quiet as he adored me with his mouth.
I flushed with the compliment. “I love you too, Clay.” I gripped his hair as he traced a line upward from my knee with his tongue. I swallowed hard as I waited for him to kiss me... you know, there. And I was really disappointed when he stopped and suddenly leaned over me.
“Are you sure you want this?” he asked me. He seemed unsure, though I could feel how much he wanted me as his body pressed against mine. I initially wanted to grab hold of his hair and shove him back between my thighs. I was about to get primal, as the intense waves of euphoria brought on by his fingers and tongue cascaded over me. But then I sobered a bit and really thought about what he was asking me.
Was this really the right time to make this leap into intimacy? After everything that had happened this evening? I stared into his brown eyes and the unbelievable depth of emotion I saw there made my heart pitter-patter.
I wanted to do this. Okay, so maybe I couldn’t exactly think beyond the throbbing between my legs. The aching in my body took away any hesitancy I might otherwise feel. So, in that instant, my decision was made.
“Make love to me, Clay,” I whispered, dipping my hands back into his boxers and sliding them down his hips.
He didn’t need any more encouragement after that. He hooked my panties with his thumbs and drew them down, pulling them over my feet and dropping them on the floor. We were naked and I was suddenly exceptionally nervous.
Clay, sensing this, kissed the sensitive skin behind my ear, while his hand caressed the warmth between my legs. I gasped as he slid a finger inside me. The tingles of pleasure coursed through me again as he rubbed, moving his finger in and out in a perfect rhythm. I forgot to worry about my inexperience. I just let myself flow along with this tidal wave that threatened to take me under.
Finally, Clay reached over and pulled a condom out of his bag. He tore open the package and slipped it on, positioning himself at my opening. He put his hands beneath my knees and drew my legs up so they were wrapped around his waist. He kissed me deeply again and I could feel him pressed against me, waiting.
“Maggie,” he said huskily. I opened my eyes and looked at him. “I love you.” He swallowed and pushed himself into me. My breath hitched at the sharp pain. “Forever,” he choked as he surged forward.
I arched my back off the bed, my muscles straining and stretching to fit around him. Clay sucked in a sharp breath with the sudden sensations. He was still a moment. He looked down atme.
“Are you okay?” he asked, kissing my eyebrow, my cheek, my nose. I nodded, squeezing my legs around his hips, pulling him deeper inside me.
