I put my arm around her shoulders. Her words mattered more than she would ever know.
“I love you, Anne.”
“I wanted to go to Disney World. We were always too broke.” I laughed without humor.
I lay back on the bed, putting my hands behind my head, and closed my eyes. “Do you want to get married, Anne?”
There was an audible intake of breath. Then the soft whooshing as she exhaled. “Yes,” she murmured. “I’ve thought about it. But…”
“Only to the right person,” I filled in.
I opened my eyes again and met her suddenly glassy ones. Anne cried easily, though I was the only one to ever see her tears. “Yeah. Only to the right person.” She tucked herself in beside me, lying down on the pillow, our heads close together. “But that’s not our choice to make.” One heartbeat. Two… “Pastor Carter says it’s time for me to marry,” she admitted in a hushed voice.
“I thought it was only me.” I choked on the words. Hating them more than I thought I could hate anything.
“I’ve dreamt of marrying someone I love. Of living on a farm somewhere. Raising chickens or goats. Maybe an alpaca or two. Growing corn. Random stuff. I know I shouldn’t allow myself to dream, but I can’t help it.”
I laughed. “An alpaca?”
Anne nudged me with her elbow. “Why not? What’s wrong with an alpaca?”
“Absolutely nothing, if you like spit in your hair.” I poked her in the side and she giggled.
“Don’t mock me and my alpaca. I’ll name him Sam. Sam the fuzzy alpaca. I’ll make sweaters from his fur and sell them at the farmer’s market. I’ll be Anne Landes, Queen of the Alpacas, darn it.”
We were laughing so hard we could barely breathe. I had tears in my eyes. For once they weren’t from sadness.
“All hail, Queen of the Alpacas!” I bellowed dramatically. “I’ve been thinking about lots of things. Silly things. Rock climbing. Skiing in the Rockies. Seeing a real movie. Like in a movie theater. With popcorn and Milk Duds,” I said once we calmed down.
“PopcornandMilk Duds? What kind of person does that?” Anne made a face.
“It’s a classic combination. How have you not tried it?”
Anne rolled her eyes. “Probably because we’ve been living on the side of a mountain for years. Not a lot of Milk Duds around here.”
“No. I guess not,” I said morosely. There would be no Milk Duds or popcorn in my future. No skiing or rock climbing either.
Any good mood I had evaporated instantly.
I felt her take my hand, our fingers lacing together as they always did.
“Do they make you sad? Thinking about those things?” she whispered.
I felt my eyes burn. “Yeah.” I tried to swallow but my throat felt tight. “Yeah, they do.”
Anne squeezed my hand. “Because those things we think about aren’t ours. They never will be.” She finished the thought I couldn’t say aloud.
I squeezed back.
And the air was full of a thousand dreams, a thousand heartaches...none of them destined for us.
There was a knock at the door, startling us both. I sat up quickly, trying to smooth down my wild hair. Anne got to her feet, shooting me a questioning look.
“Come in,” I called out.
“Um, is everyone decent in here?” a male voice asked. Bastian pushed open the door slowly, peeking his head around to look inside.
“I wouldn’t have told you to come in if I wasn’t,” I snipped.
