But I wouldn’t say those things. Because to preach would make me a hypocrite. Because I’d be scolding myself as well.
Because of the way my best friend looked just now. The same expression should be on my face.
I suddenly felt angry.
White hot rage washed through my body and I practically shook from it.
Emotions, intense and vicious, piled up inside me. I didn’t know what to do with them.
Why was Anne being with David wrong? Why couldn’t I be with Bastian? What sort of heavenly being believed love was a sin? It didn’t feel right.
But Pastor Carter knew what was best…
I didn’t realize I was clenching my fists until they began to ache. I forced myself to relax.
“What about you and Bastian?” Anne asked, jolting me out of my internal struggle.
Just the sound of his name startled me. It was my turn to blush.
“Are you asking if we kissed?”
Anne chewed on her bottom lip. “Well, did you?”
I looked away, unable to meet her eyes. “Yes. We kissed.”
Like me, she didn’t squeal. She didn’t show excitement. She felt the trepidation. The concern.
“Do you want to kiss him again?” she finally asked.
Yes. I wanted to kiss him a thousand more times. Then a million more after that.
I wanted to kiss him until the sun turned to ash and there was nothing left but our lips.
“I don’t know,” I said instead. I couldn’t admit the truth. Not out loud. Not now.
Anne raised an eyebrow and I sighed. “Yes, Anne. I want to kiss him again. I want to kiss him every moment of every day. I think about it too much. I imagine it when I should be praying. It feels like insanity. I can’t control it.”
Anne’s eyes twinkled in amusement. “I don’t think you’re supposed to control it, Sara. Love doesn’t work like that.”
I balked. “I didn’t say Ilovedhim!”
Anne giggled. “Whatever it is, it feels good though, right?”
Did it?
I wasn’t sure.
It confused me. It mixed me up. It pulled me in a dozen different directions. I had started to forget what Sara Bishop was like before Bastian Scott blew into her life.
Did it feel good?
“Yeah, it does,” I smiled.
We sat with that. Being two girls feeling things for the first time that we had never experienced before.
And then reality set in. Not the make believe one we had—for a few short minutes—created for ourselves.
“Did you have to meet with Pastor Carter?” Anne asked, her voice wobbling slightly.
