After a few minutes, Pastor gripped my chin and forced me to look at him. “There is darkness in you, Sara. Tell me what troubles you. What has caused you to drift from your path?”
I didn’t want to answer. I wanted to imprison the truth and keep it safe.
I felt strangely resentful of his questions. Of his demands for answers I didn’t want to give.
I shoved away those thoughts with everything I had. It was Pastor’s duty to see into the souls of his followers. It was my duty as a disciple to tell him every painful transgression.
Could I hand over Bastian as an offering?
You should be able to live your own life. Make your own decisions. Not live in fear of stepping out of line.
I bowed my head again. I shuddered slightly. My bone and marrow straining with the burden of my feelings. “I’ve had sinful thoughts, Pastor,” I rasped. Feeling shame, but also feeling something else.
Defiance.
My thoughts were my own. I didn’t have to give them to anyone.
More sin!
Was it?
Bastian didn’t think so.
But Pastor Carter said…
“Tell me about them. Confess your impurities,” he urged me. Earnest. Expectant.
“I…I’ve been curious,” I started to explain in halting words. I’d give him something small. I couldn’t give him everything. Not the biggest and worst. But something significant all the same.
“Curious?” Pastor prompted when I was hesitant to continue.
“About theoutside,” I whispered. The decade old guilt ate away at me. It was impossible to escape.
“Oh, Sara,” Pastor said somberly.
“I just wonder if everythingislost. If they willallbe left behind. There must be some good people.” I was shocked at my words. At my boldness. I had never spoken so.
This was because of Bastian.
This was because of Anne and David.
This was because ofme.
“Sara, look at me.”
I lifted my head again. Pastor’s face was so sad. Disappointed. The anger was there too. He didn’t hide it well.
“The disciples are my family. I want to ensure you will be welcomed home when The Awakening comes. End times are quickly approaching. Those people out there will all be washed away in blood and fire. You’ve read the scriptures?”
I nodded, sweat trickling down the back of my neck. My skin sticky. The sickening lump in my chest making it hard to breathe.
The Awakening.
Bastian couldn’t understand why we didn’t know more about this spiritual event. Part of me wondered to. Why was this information being kept from us?
What was Pastor trying to hide?
“And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.”Pastor Carter’s words vibrated through me like a warning.
