“You weren’t at Daily Devotional. Neither was Anne.” His mouth pressed into a firm line. “Neither were the Scott brothers.”
I swallowed thickly, my stomach twisting and turning, my insides mush.
“You’ve been sinning, Sara,” Pastor Carter stated gruffly.
I trembled.
His voice took me back. I was no longer an eighteen-year-old woman standing in front of her savior.
I was an eight-year-old girl, frightened of the hard man who led her to The Refuge.
I dropped to my knees, my hands folded in supplication, my head bowed low.
“I’m sorry, Pastor. Please forgive me.”
Silence was my only answer.
Total, horrifying silence.
He wouldn’t speak. He let me remain on my knees, my heart slamming against my ribcage.
“What am I to forgive you for? What sins have you committed?” he asked softly. His voice enfolding me, constricting my breathing.
What sins did I want to confess? What could I say to make this better?
My mind was teetering. I felt unbalanced. Tears trickled down my cheeks.
“I shouldn’t have missed Daily Devotional. I know it is imperative to my path. I…I have strayed,” I sobbed.
“Come, child,” he murmured, more gently than before.
I got to my feet quickly and hurried over to him. I took his hand and kissed his knuckles. My tears coating his skin. I sank to the carpet in front of him, keeping my head bowed. “I’m sorry, Pastor. I’m so, so sorry.” I kissed his hand again.
I felt Pastor’s lips on the top of my head.
“Blessings to you, Sara Bishop.” His breath stirred my hair as he spoke gently in my ear.
I lifted my head and raised my eyes to his. He still seemed angry, but perhaps my anguish softened him.
He cupped my face in his palms, his thumbs pressing into my cheeks. “Sara, how is your soul?” he asked. The usual question.
I gave the expected answer. “Ready for your guidance.”
His hands lingered a little before taking my hands in his. “Let us pray. Your heart is weary. There is a smudge on your spirit. It worries me.”
“Help me take it away,” I begged.
“Offer yourself up to God. Only His wisdom can free you.”
We sat silently together, each praying for different things. The same things.
Yet, the quiet didn’t soothe me. It always had before. Since I was a confused and angry child.
Though not today.
Something had changed inside me. Something vast and mighty.
Like a dam as it tried to hold back a flood…
