I allowed myself to feel the fullness in my chest. The way my stomach knotted and clenched when I looked at the man with blue eyes and a smile like the sun. Bastian Scott. With his endless questions and stories. Never contented to accept what he was told, he had toknow…
“Hey Sara, check it out!” Bastian hollered, standing on a large rock that jetted out. I shielded my eyes from the sun so I could see him. When he was sure I was watching, he did a cannonball into the waterfall.
I made a show of clapping wildly and whistling through my fingers. Bastian grinned, pleased by my reaction.
Anne rested her head on my shoulder. “You like him.”
I puffed up, embarrassed, denial on my tongue. But I never voiced it. There was no point. Anne had always known me better than I knew myself.
Anne took my hand, lacing our fingers together as we often did. “He likes you too.”
“No, he doesn’t—” I started to say, my cheeks heated. My mouth dry.
“He makes you smile.”
I leaned into her as we held each other up. “David makesyousmile,” I observed back.
We were quiet for a while. Letting the weight of it sink in.
“He’ll never allow it,” Anne stated mournfully.
My eyes began to burn. My chest ached. “I know.”
“We can’t have a choice, can we?” Her voice cracked and I knew she was crying but trying not to.
I squeezed her hand. I wished, more than anything, that I could tell her differently.
“Enjoy today, Anne,” I whispered. “Just enjoy today.”
But we both knew it wasn’t enough.
It was late when we finally left the waterfall.
David and Anne had once again gone ahead, arms wrapped around each other, leaving Bastian and me alone. We were both still wet and with the sun dipping below the horizon, we were cold. My clothes were ruined. I’d have to throw them out. I really didn’t have time to make a new skirt and blouse, but I couldn’t be upset with how I’d spent my afternoon.
“Thanks for today. And for the art supplies. And for being my only friend here. I really need one,” Bastian said as we neared The Retreat. My steps felt heavier the closer we got. I knew there would be consequences for missing Daily Devotional. I already dreaded seeing my mom. Seeing Pastor.
“Sure,” I said distractedly as we came to the break in the trees. I could see smoke rising from the chimneys, the smell of cooking on the wind. I steeled myself for what I was going to face.
“So, I was thinking of making a tee-pee and camping out in the woods. Maybe start communing with the deer. I could make my own crafts and sell them in town. You want to join me?”
“Sure,” I said and then realized what he said. “What a minute, what are you talking about?”
Bastian shook his head. “You’re distracted. What’s going on?” He took my hand, stopping me. “You’re a hard woman to read, Sara. One minute we’re having fun, talking and laughing, the next you’re freezing me out. It’s like walking on an ice shelf, waiting for it fall out from underneath me. Not that I don’t love being kept on my toes, I just wish you’d tell me what you were thinking.”
I stared down at our joined hands. Sometimes the pieces fit together like perfect inevitability. And then sometimes those pieces crumbled and fell apart. Some days it felt as though Bastian and I were the former. Just right. Almost normal.
But most days we were the latter. Because here, in this world we lived in, we weren’t fated. We were destined for other things.
“We missed Daily Devotional,” I said by way of answering him.
Bastian stared into my eyes. I was drowning in them…
“You’re going to get into trouble, aren’t you? Like that day in the woods with Clement and Stanley. You were scared. All of you were,” he surmised, his expression troubled.
I pulled away. He let me. He wouldn’t hold on if I wanted him to let go. With him, the choice would always be mine.
“We have rules, Bastian. You know that. We have duties and responsibilities. We have one thing to concentrate on. And it’s not going to the waterfall. It’s not artwork. It’s not talking about things that will never,can never, be.” I was working myself up. I was terrified.
