And especially not for Bastian.
“Sometimes it’s not our choice to be here. But we learn to adapt,” I admitted softly. David and Anne moved farther ahead and we had almost lost sight of them. The murmur of their voices disappearing in the thick wood.
“No, I guess when you’re eight, it’s not your choice at all.” I didn’t like the sympathy on his face. I didn’t need it. I wasn’t someone to feel sorry for.
“My mother brought us here. Yes, I hated it at first. But after a while, I realized she was right to bring us to Pastor Carter. He only wants—”
“What’s best for everyone. Yeah, I’ve heard it a million times,” Bastian deadpanned.
We came to a steep drop off. David and Anne were already making their way to the bottom. Carefully I started to follow, thankful for the walking stick Bastian had found for me. I had forgotten how treacherous it was getting to the waterfall. As a kid, it hadn’t seemed so daunting. It was a bit different as an adult. I was clumsier. Less sure on my feet.
“Hold on to me. It’ll be easier that way.” Bastian held out his hand and I took it, needing the support. He held onto me tightly. Not letting go even when I stumbled.
“Do you think you’d feel the same way about Pastor Carter’s sermons if you heard them for the first time now? You’ve been raised on it, so you’ve come to accept it as the gospel truth. You are made to recite the same principles, the same beliefs over and over again until there is no other way to think. No other way to live. That’s called indoctrination.” Instinctually I felt angry. Any suggestion that what I was raised to believe wasn’t true brought out vicious emotions in me.
Bastian must have recognized the ire in my expression. He squeezed my hand. A warm, secure gesture. Skin on skin. “I’m not saying what Pastor Carter teaches is wrong. I understand that to you, it’s absolute. But there’s more than one truth, Sara. There’s more than one path. You have to be open to what else is out there.”
I felt lightheaded. The sun was hotter now than it had been. I could tell by the way it was dipping in the sky that it was now early afternoon. We had totally lost sight of Anne and David but I wasn’t worried. Anne knew where she was going.
“Pastor Carter says there’s one path. One plan. God’s plan.” I repeated the words I’d always said. Always been told.
It sounded hollow to my ears.
Bastian nodded. “Maybe that’s true. Or maybe it’s not. The ideology of one man doesn’t have to dictate your entire life, you know. You’re eighteen. You’re an adult. You can make your own choices.”
Make my own choices?
That had never been an option for me.
I had known from the time I was a child that my life wasn’t my own. That I had one unquestionable fate. I had never doubted it. Perhaps because those around me accepted it too.
Bastian didn’t accept it.
He asked me questions that I didn’t know how to answer.
I had known for the very beginning there was something different about him.
I had thought it dangerous at first.
Did I still?
“I’m preparing my soul for The Awakening—”
“About this Awakening. What is it exactly? You all talk about it enough, but I have no idea what it is. No one will tell me.”
Because none of us, aside from Pastor Carter, really knew.
I hesitated. Bastian instantly picked up on it. “You don’t know, do you,” he stated flatly.
“I—we—it’s when we ascend,” I finally said lamely. It sounded ridiculous. Even to me.
We came to a break in the trees. Ahead of us lay a large open field. David and Anne were dots in the distance. Bastian grabbed my arm, holding me back. Not roughly. But with persistence. “Sara, you’ve lived the past ten years believing you are destined for this great event, yet you don’t know what it is?” He wasn’t mocking me. Instead he looked desolate.
It was the desolation that almost pierced my heart.
“Pastor Carter knows,” was all I could say.
Only Pastor Carter.
