For a brief moment, it didn’t sound sane. His extremism teetered dangerously and I felt ill.
Is that what I looked like? Is that what I sounded like?
Maybe you need to ask yourself what it is that you don’t want the rest of the world to see...
“I could use some help gathering firewood if you’re free,” I spoke up, feeling the need to intervene before something happened. Needing to change the subject before I went into freefall.
Did I sound that irrational?
I pushed the unwanted thoughts as far down as possible. Suppressed where I didn’t have to deal with them.
Bastian’s face relaxed marginally. He too seemed appreciative for the distraction. “Sure, we’d be happy to help you.” He bent over and started gathering an armful of thicker branches. “It’s a really nice day. Seems a shame to be stuck doing chores.”
“I’m almost done here, then it’s time for Daily Devotional,” I said. Though I didn’t feel the desire for prayer the way I usually did. I had had enough prayer.
“Right. Daily Devotional,” Bastian said, though he didn’t sound happy about it. David had wandered off and started to gather wood farther away. I noticed how Bastian watched his brother while trying not to be obvious about it.
“How’s he doing?” I asked softly, so David wouldn’t overhear me.
Bastian took the wood I had gathered and added it to his pile. “Not so great. He’s struggling. Though he seems to do well out here.” He looked around the densely wooded area. “He’s always been an outdoorsy guy. Being stuck inside in prayer groups isn’t good for him. He likes the fresh air and being surrounded by nature. When we were teenagers we’d spend weekends hiking trails around Ohio. He was really into those survival groups, where you’d take a backpack and live off the land for a week. It’s why the military was a perfect fit for him.”
I watched David as Bastian spoke and could see how much calmer he was out here, in the woods, than he was back at The Retreat. Even though he was throwing himself into his new life, it was obvious this is where he was happiest.
There’s so much good. So much beauty. And you’re missing it all.
I made a decision. It was spontaneous and out of character. But in that instant, it felt right.
“Remember I told you about the waterfall a few miles from here?” I bundled up the pile of kindling, done with the task.
Bastian frowned. “I think so.”
“Would you like to see it?”
Bastian’s lip quirked. “You mean right now?”
I nodded. “Yes. Right now.”
Bastian glanced back at his brother who had stopped gathering wood and was now leaning against a tree, his eyes closed. As though he were taking strength from it. “What about Daily whatever?”
I didn’t correct him this time. “You can connect with God out here too. Isn’t that what you told Clement and Stanley?”
He smirked. “Yeah, but I was saying what I thought would get you guys out of trouble.”
“Yeah, well whatever it was, it’s true. So, come on.”
He didn’t hesitate. He dropped the sticks he had been collecting, dusting off his hands.
“Dave, come on, buddy. Sara has something she wants to show us.”
David had been resistant to missing Daily Devotional. I understood why. We were conditioned to never deviate from routine.
But I didn’t care.
I wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
It was a bonus to have company.
“It’ll be okay. I’ll talk to Pastor Carter. Tell him we spent time in the woods together. He’ll understand,” I promised. Though I wasn’t so sure Pastor Carter would understand at all. The likelihood of him being incredibly unhappy about what he would see as a defiance made a tremor go through me.
