“Amen,” everyone said.
There was something vaguely ominous about the Pastor’s prayer. It gave me the heebie-jeebies.
“I’ve prayed to God to show me the way, Pastor. I worry that I’m not doing enough to show Him my devotion,” David spoke up. I hated how needling he sounded. How he appeared so desperate for Pastor Carter’s regard.
What happened to the guy who refused to go to prom because the committee wouldn’t sell tickets to a same sex couple? Where was the man who stood up to the school bully when he shoved tiny Henry Bolling into a locker?
He didn’t seem to be anywhere. He was lost underneath this frantic desire for one man’s approval.
Pastor Carter pressed two fingers to David’s forehead. “There’s always more you can do to show your devotion, my son. We will pray on this together. I know how much you want to please Him.” I didn’t like the undercurrent of what he was saying, but I couldn’t quite figure out why.
It was hard to get a read on anything in this place when everything gave me the creeps.
Except…
I looked across the dining hall to see Sara lift a heavy cast iron pot from the oven. She seemed to struggle under the weight of it, but no one helped her. Several other women bustled around, putting muffins on a plate, mixing porridge, serving the other members—I refused to call them disciples.
I hated being waited on. It felt weird. And wrong. But I had learned you couldn’t step in and help. Everyone had their place and it was strictly adhered to.
Sara pushed hair out of her face, her cheeks rosy from the heat of the oven. As if sensing me watching her, she turned around, her eyes meeting mine. She froze for a minute and then…
She smiled.
I was bowled over. She had been all but avoiding me since I arrived. As though my presence bothered her for some reason.
This was new.
And it felt pretty good.
I waved at her and gave her a thumbs up. It was lame. But I was rewarded with an eye roll and a twitch of lips that let me know she wanted to laugh.
It felt like in the crowded room we had just shared something private.
She had definitely softened towards me since our game of hide and seek in the woods. I wasn’t sure why, but it was nice all the same. I needed a friend in this place. It was either that or go insane like the rest of them.
“Some of the brothers need help felling trees in the forest today. Bastian would be able to help them?”
I looked away from Sara and gave my attention back to the people at my table. Daphne Bishop gazed at me closely, her eyes narrowed. She regarded me coldly.
It was David who had spoken, so I purposefully looked away from Daphne.
“Of course, I’d love to be of help,” I said truthfully. Chopping down some trees was a hell of a lot better than being stuck in a prayer circle.
Pastor Carter gave me a smarmy smile. Or maybe it was his normal smile. Either way, it was slick as an oil spill. “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.”
What was he going on about this time? He seemed to use scripture willy-nilly, for no other reason than to give feeble credibility to the crap he spewed.
“Amen,” everyone around us said all together.
“Amen,” I muttered before taking a bite of bread.
Pastor Carter rested his chin on his folded hands. “David tells me you’ve been having trouble sleeping, Bastian. Is the house not to your liking?”
I glanced at my brother, wondering why he was talking about me to the Pastor. Honestly, I was surprised David even noticed. He’d been in religious la-la land since we arrived.
I felt as though the man were goading me. Poking me for weaknesses, hoping he’d find them.
I’d be damned if I’d show him any.
