But being outside, in the forest with the children, I could pretend none of that mattered.
I was good at that.
Pretending.
Yet I couldn’t pretend what he said didn’t bother me. Or that I didn’t enjoy hearing about his life on theoutside.
Seeing him now, when I hadn’t prepared myself for it, I was completely unnerved.
I wanted to ignore him, but I knew that wouldn’t be possible.
As if sensing me, Bastian looked up. Our eyes met. He lifted a hand in a small wave. I kept my arms resolutely by my side.
Then I looked away.
Pia Drummond, who had just turned eleven, was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes. “BB stepped in poo! I saw it!” she giggled, pointing at the boy’s foot.
There was a chorus of “Ewww,” followed my more laughter.
Dakota and the other kids were in hysterics and poor BB’s face turned bright red. “I did not! That wasn’t poo!” he protested, lifting his foot to look at the sole of his shoe.
I felt flustered. I had to settle the children before they were overheard. I tried to forget about the man behind me, his blue, blue eyes drilling holes through my back.
“That’s enough, everyone. Calm down. We’ve had our fun. Now it’s time to—”
“Sara, look what Bastian found!” Rosie exclaimed, hurrying over, her hand outstretched. Bastian followed her over. I tensed the closer he came. My fingernails dug into my palms as I clenched my hands.
Don’t look at him. Ignore him. He doesn’t matter.
I could barely focus on what Rosie was saying.
“What do you have there?” I asked her, hating how breathless I sounded. How out of sorts.
“It’s a woolly worm!” she giggled. Curled in the center of her hand was a fuzzy black and orange caterpillar. Rosie touched it carefully with the tip of her finger and it uncurled and started to inch its way across her palm. She shrieked with delight as it made its way along her wrist. “Can I keep it? I love him so much!” she declared, gently picking it up and placing it back in the middle of her hand.
“I don’t think—”
“He’d be a lot happier out here with his caterpillar mom and dad, don’t you think?” Bastian cut in, before I had to let the excited girl down.
Rosie’s mouth turned downward and I could see her pretty, brown eyes welling up with tears. “I don’t want to take him from his mommy and daddy,” she wailed, her lower lip trembling. “Take him back!” She held out her hand.
Bastian scooped up the caterpillar. “It’s okay, Rosie. We were just saying hi. I’ll put him back now.” He walked over to the bushes and put the bug on the ground, shielded by the undergrowth. “See, now he’s with his family again.”
Rosie wiped away her tears and gave a wobbly smile. “Good. I don’t want him to miss his family like I miss my grandma and grandad.” My chest ached at her innocent admission.
Bastian glanced at me, his eyes sad, but forced his voice bright as he looked at the rest of the kids who had gathered around him curiously. “So, what are you guys up to out here?”
Dakota stood up straight. “Anne and Sara said we could have Bible study in the woods. It’s better than being stuck inside.”
Bastian nodded solemnly. “That it is,” he agreed.
Anne started directing the kids to sit down but they were more interested in Bastian. “Why are you out here?” BB asked, whacking a tree with a stick he had found.
“Oh, you know, checking out the sights. Rescuing caterpillars. That sort of thing.” He grinned down at Rosie, who seemed utterly charmed by him. She took his hand and huddled close to his leg. I was surprised by her ready familiarity with a man she had just met. Rosie was shy. It took her a long time to get used to new people and new situations. But with Bastian Scott, she naturally gravitated towards him, as though she had known him forever.
“Can we find more bugs? Different ones?” Rosie asked, her eyes hopeful. “But not to keep. Only to look at. They have to stay with their bug families.”
“Can we look for bugs too?” Pia asked, her normally hesitant expression brightening slightly.
