I had started off so angry. I hated Mom for bringing me here. I hated Pastor Carter and his stupid sermons I had to listen to silently.
I hated the ugly house we lived in.
I hated the hard mattress and rough sheets.
Most of all I hated that my feelings didn’t matter at all. Mom had made the choice for us. I missed my old room and my old friends. Here I didn’t even go to a real school. I had to read the Bible a couple of hours and learned some math I had done in first grade. That’s it.
I missed my Dad.
Even if I didn’t remember him that well.
But he didn’t want me. Mom brought us here. And I still felt like I wasn’t good enough. Because I wasn’t happy. Because I didn’t like saying prayers and singing to the sun every morning like weirdos.
“You need to think about if the world is a better place without you. If your negative impact is hurtful to those around you. If what you put out isn’t good, then perhaps you shouldn’t be here. Not with your family. There’s no place on this Earth for the wicked.” Pastor Carter’s words before locking me in The Refuge hurt. A lot.
Another day passed.
And I wasn’t angry anymore. I just wanted to get out.
I banged on the door and yelled. No one answered.
Another day passed.
And another.
I’d take matters into my own hands.
And when the blood was warm on my skin I felt peace…
My eyes opened with a pop.
I tried to shake off the last feelings of the nightmare. I could still feel the stifling air inside The Refuge. Even though it had been years since my last visit, it had deeply imprinted on my subconscious.
Like a disease it festered.
My skin was sticky with dried sweat.
Mom was only just starting to stir for The Sun’s Morning Blessing.
Fifteen minutes later I was walking through the trees.
I couldn’t see Anne. I looked for her.
“What’s all this about?”
I startled, not expecting Bastian to appear beside me.
He looked rumpled from sleep. His hair was flattened on one side of his head. He had his hands stuffed into the pockets of an Ohio State College sweatshirt. He was weirdly cute in his just woken up grogginess. I quickly looked away.
“It’s a little early for a hike, don’t ya think?” His voice was too loud. We weren’t permitted to talk until after the sun rose.
I put my finger over my lips to indicate Bastian needed to be quiet. He frowned but got the hint. He continued the rest of the way in silence.
I was feeling unusually lethargic. Must have been the nightmare. I hadn’t slept well. I was less sure on my feet as I made the familiar trek to the cliff top. I tripped over a root and stumbled. Hands reached out to grab me. Steadying me.
“You okay?” Bastian mouthed.
I nodded, brushing him off. I could still feel his fingers on my skin. Long after they weren’t there anymore.
