Two minutes.
I lifted my head and could see my mother still in her bed. I was surprised she had restrained herself. I wasn’t normally so lucky.
Heavenly father, forgive my curiosity. I know it is not my place to question.
“I’m sorry, Mother. I didn’t mean to presume anything.”
I needed to apologize. I had to. Disciples were meant to obey. Defiance wasn’t allowed.
I heard Mom sigh. She sounded exhausted. “Turn off the light, Sara.” I heard another shattered exhale. As if she too was encumbered by a heavy weight. “You need prayer before sleep. Your mind is too full of things you shouldn’t be thinking about.”
With shaking hands, I lowered the wick of the lamp, expunging the light. Giving way to the dark.
And in the silent, silent night, I fought back tears I would never let fall.
Pastor Carter walked into the gathering room a little before sunset. It was crowded with disciples. Most of our family were congregated together in the cozy room reading scripture, discussing God’s words.
Anne and I were reading Bible stories to the youngest disciples. None of them seemed particularly interested and Anne was attempting to keep them focused by asking them questions. It was obvious none of them were paying attention. When asked why God flooded the Earth, Dakota said because he had to pee really badly, making the others giggle.
“Dakota, enough. You don’t want anyone to hear you making light of the scripture,” I warned sternly. I didn’t want to scare the kids, but if an elder heard their disrespect, they’d find themselves cleaning the shower room or scrubbing floors. And depending on the elder’s mood, they could even find themselves in The Refuge for the night.
Dakota’s face went white. He understood what Ihadn’tsaid.
Anne put an arm around his shoulder. She was always the first to give comfort where she could.
I was being groomed to lead. Anne was groomed toheal. It was one aspect of her path that she embraced totally.
“Let’s try that again. Why did God flood the Earth?” Anne prompted softly, giving an encouraging smile.
“Because people were sinful and corrupt. God wanted to punish them for straying so far from his word,” Dakota answered, his voice shaking slightly. The other kids stayed quiet, eyes wide.
“The world is a sinful place, is it not?”
All of us startled at the sound of Pastor Carter’s calm, soothing voice. He stood just behind me. I had to crane my neck to look up at him.
The kids all nodded vigorously, quick to agree with anything Pastor said.
“God will smite the wicked. He will destroy the world. Why are we here, children?” he asked, putting his hands in his pockets, smiling beatifically down at them.
Little Rosie Fisk, only six years old, with a head of blond curls and a cute-as-a-button nose raised her hand timidly.
Pastor put his hand on her head. “Yes, Rosie?”
“We must live without sin in our heart so that when we are Awakened we will join our heavenly Father and all those that are pure,” she said in such a teeny tiny voice.
Heavy words from someone so small.
No one spoke. Rosie stared up at Pastor, waiting for him to tell her she was right or wrong. We all did. We all waited for him to decide.
Our lives hinged on his approval.
He went down on his haunches and kissed Rosie on top of her head. “Very good, Rosie. You’ve been listening to Sara and Anne. You’re walking the righteous path. I’m proud of you.” Rosie beamed, her face alight.
All the children began to speak at once. Telling Pastor the thingstheyknew to be truth. Reciting his sermons back to him to prove they too deserved his praise.
Everyone scrambling for a piece of what only he could provide.
If I sat back and looked objectively at the scene in front of me, it would seem almost terrifying.
