“Pastor is a great man, you should be so blessed to live by his side.” Her words were strangled, her expression hard.
I shook my head. “I only ever wanted you to love me. Not as some supposed prophet of God, but as a mother. I wanted you toprotectme—”
“Don’t be such an idiot. There are things in this world greater than you. Greater than a mother’s love for her child. Your feelings aren’t important.Myfeelings aren’t important.” It was then that I could see my mother’s hurt. Her anguish.
The agony of watching the man you love attempt to claim your daughter…
Then any sympathy I felt for the woman standing in front of me evaporated. She didn’t love me. She knew I was being groomed by a man old enough to be my grandfather. And she did nothing. Pastor Carter was the only thing that mattered to her. That and her calling. She didn’t care how I felt. She never really had.
The sooner I stopped expecting her to act like a parent, the better off I’d be.
“That fucking sicko,” Bastian muttered. I yanked on his arm to silence him.
“I’m leaving, Mom. I won’t marry Pastor Carter and I won’t be Awakened. It’s not a spiritual path. It’s a death sentence.” I wanted to scream at her to hear me. To, for once, listen to what I had to say. “David’s dead because he believed the lies Pastor told him. He’s dead, Mom.”
“He’s in the arms of the Father now. He has been granted the greatest gift.” Mom’s eyes clouded over and she seemed to be in some sort of trance. “Pastor Carter led him home.”
“You crazy assed bitch—” Bastian snarled.
“Stop it, Bastian. Don’t waste your breath. She’s past hearing anything,” I told him sadly.
Mom watched us as we pushed past her. I thought I saw her lift her hand to touch me as I walked out the door. But when I looked back she was still as a statue.
I turned my back on her. I walked away. I closed the door on her. On our family.
Bastian and I made our way down the gravel path. I knew we only had minutes until everyone knew we were leaving.
Then what would happen?
Would Pastor Carter try to stop us?
I didn’t want to risk it.
“We need to hurry.”
We stopped just outside Bastian’s house. He hesitated. “I don’t want to go in there.”
I frowned. “Don’t you need to get your things?”
“I have my phone and my wallet. Carter had me sign over my car, so I don’t need keys. There’s nothing else I want.” He took a step back.
“What about David’s stuff? Is there anything of his you want to take with you?” I asked softly.
He shook his head, taking my hand. “I don’t want to remember him like this. How he was here. I’d rather forget.”
I understood. If I could erase things from my memory I would.
“I need to talk to Anne before we go,” I said.
Bastian kissed my temple. “Of course.”
I knew the way to the house Anne shared with her father like the back of my hand. I knew the nooks and crannies of the tiny two-bedroom building. I had memorized the number of flowers on her pillow case—eighty-five—I knew how many red butterflies she had embroidered on her quilt—six. I had always felt comfortable there. Relaxed in a space I accepted as part of my childhood.
Now, it felt as hollow as the rest of The Retreat.
“Anne, you in here?” I called out, tapping lightly on the door before pushing it open.
Only an empty space greeted me.
