“You do that to me,” he smiled. “I can hardly breathe when you touch me.”
I pulled my hand away. “I can stop—”
He grabbed my hand and pressed it to his chest again. “No. Please don’t stop. No matter what, don’t stop.” It came out as a plea. A little desperate.
As if the need in him equaled the craving in me.
Yet I was nervous. Unbearably so. I was a quivering, aching mess. Bastian, sensing my trepidation, pushed the hair back from my face and dropped his forehead to mine. “What is it? Tell me, Sara.”
I closed my eyes, self-conscious. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never—I’ve never done this.” I felt so immature. Naïve. Ridiculous. Bastian had lived a life with normal experiences. He must have been with other girls. Done things I wouldn’t even begin to know how to do.
I felt a flare of jealousy at the thought of him with anyone else.
I hadn’t realized I felt so possessive. Proprietary.
Somewhere along this crooked, jagged path, Bastian became mine. I wouldn’t relinquish him for anything.
“Look at me,” Bastian murmured and I opened my eyes. And the way he stared at me left me shaking.
“This is all new to me too,” he admitted, his fingers trembling as they touched me. “I’ve never…” He swallowed. Then he took a deep breath. “I’ve never loved anyone before. Not like this. Not where I feel like I’m waking up and falling off a cliff all at the same time.” His gaze was hot. His caress careful. “I feel as though I’ve waited my whole life to love you, Sara Bishop. My path—my journey— was finding my way to you.”
Pastor Carter was wrong. Happiness shouldn’t hurt.
It should feel exactly like this.
“Bastian,” I whispered just before he kissed me again.
And this time we didn’t stop.
We moved in tandem. Clothes fell to the floor. Skin on skin. I touched him. He touched me.
I gasped, arching up off the bed when his fingers found my core. I cried out. I couldn’t help it.
I wouldn’t be silent.
Not anymore.
He fitted himself between my thighs. I was scared but I knew he would take care of me. He would never let me fall.
“I love you,” he rasped as he pushed his way into my body.
I wanted to say it back but the pain stole my words. I hadn’t been expecting that. In truth, I knew very little about what happened between a man and a woman. I knew the basics obviously, but no one had warned about it hurting. My mother never gave me the “talk.” Everything I had gleaned about intimacy came from talking to Anne and the others. And they weren’t exactly fonts of knowledge when it came to sex.
I had no experience except for…
My mind recoiled. My body stilled.
The memories of Pastor Carter. His hands. His hot breath on my neck. His insistence that he acted on the will of God.
No!
I wouldn’t think about that.
Not here. Not with Bastian.
I focused on the man above me. The alien fullness between my legs. The low burn in my belly. The soreness deep inside.
It kept me in the here and now. Not in that dark, ugly place my mind wanted to go.
