My feelings for Sara be damned.
“I deserve this. Go away,” was all David said.
I felt Anne push me to the side, pressing her palms to the door, her cheek to the wood. “You don’t deserve this, David. You did nothing wrong!” she exclaimed, surprising me.
“I do, Anne, I do,” David sobbed from inside. I recognized the sound of that brokenness and it terrified me. It infuriated me. Because Pastor fucking Carter had caused this when he brought him out here.
“You’re wonderful, David. Just the way you are,” Sara said. “Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re anything less. God loves everyone. Flaws and all.” She didn’t move any closer to The Refuge as if she couldn’t bear being so close to it. But I appreciated her words to my brother. I felt my heart soar even as it shattered.
“Go home,” David pleaded. “I don’t want you here.”
I went to stand beside Anne and Sara came to flank my other side. She was trembling, as though it took all of her strength to be out here. “Then we’ll stay here, David, until they come to get you. You won’t be alone,” Sara promised, her voice wobbling. I could tell how much it cost her. But she was strong. Stronger than even she realized.
And I was incredibly thankful for her and Anne.
I took Sara’s hand and squeezed. She squeezed back.
“How long will he be here?” I asked. Rain had started to fall. A few drops at first and then a cascade of water drenched us.
Sara’s teeth began to chatter, her clothes sticking to her skin. “It could be a few hours. It could be days.”
“Days?” I exclaimed. I looked around. There was nothing out here but trees and rocks. No shelter but for the overhang of The Refuge’s roof.
Sara rubbed her arms, trying to get warm. “I was out here for a week once.”
“A week? God, what did you do to earn a week in this shithole?”
Sara ducked her head, seeming unwilling to answer. Anne put her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “She cried too much. Is that right, Sara?” she filled in.
“Excuse me?” I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly.
Anne glanced at Sara, who lifted her chin. Her expression unflinching. “I didn’t want to be here in the beginning. I wanted to go home. My mom has never been the most patient person. Particularly when it came to me. Pastor Carter—” She paused, her stern demeanor slipping slightly to reveal the slightly broken girl underneath. “He brought me here. He said it was to help me accept my true path. The Gathering of the Sun expects you to forget your past. The present and the future are the only things that matter. Mourning the loss of an old life has no place here.”
“So, they lock you away like a criminal?” Just when I think I’d heard the worst of what Pastor Carter could do, I saw that I had only scratched the surface.
“Not like a criminal. I deserved it. It was to help me,” Sara protested, though I could tell she was starting to doubt what she was saying. She looked at the padlocked door, her lips trembling. She shook her head, her hair falling into her face. “It was supposed to help me.” I could barely hear her.
“It was supposed to help me,” she said again, her voice so small.
Anne said nothing. She only rubbed her friend’s arm, offering the only comfort she could. It wasn’t enough though. Not nearly enough.
“How old were you?” I asked, dreading the answer.
Anne’s eyes were wet. I still couldn’t see Sara’s face. “Nine,” Sara whispered.
I recoiled, taking a step back. I leaned against The Refuge door, my legs threatening to give out from underneath me.
“They’re monsters,” I hissed, fury unlike anything I had ever felt before, seeping out of me. “All of them are monsters. Don’t you see that?” I shouted. I pointed at sky. “No God would want a nine-year-old to be shut out in a shed because they cry too much. Those aren’t holy dictates. That’s human cruelty.”
Sara straightened her shoulders. She pushed her hair back from her face and there was a fierceness in her eyes that gave me hope.
This place had tried to break her. But it hadn’t. Not by a long shot.
And she didn’t argue with me. She didn’t chastise me for my condemnation. For the first time since I had met her she didn’t defend the actions of Pastor Carter and The Gathering.
“We’ll stay with him. As long as it takes,” she said instead, steel in her spine. She sat down on the ground in front of the door. She pulled her knees up to her chest, tucking in her chin to try to shield herself from the worsening weather.
Anne sat beside her, huddling in close. Then I did the same. I shivered, the rain wet on my skin. I wasn’t dressed for a night in the woods. None of us were. But we’d stay.
