I closed my eyes, so, so tired. “Don’t, Lucas. Just don’t.”
“Don’t what? Tell you that you’re beautiful? Because you are. Tell you that I’ve missed you? That I’ve been a mess without you? Because that’s true as well.”
“You can’t show up like this. Not after how you acted. I knew it would be hard with me not coming back to England. I hated it. I wanted to come back. I didn’t make the decision lightly. Because I didn’t want to leave you. Not ever. But I thought we could make it work somehow. We would have to. For me there was no other option. Obviously you didn’t feel the same.”
Lucas took my hand and I let him. Because I had missed touching him. I was weak like that.
“I was hurting because of my issues. You said you were staying and all my abandonment bullshit reared its ugly head. And I wasn’t fair to you. But I’m here to make it right. Morgan I want—no Ineedyou in my life. The past six weeks have been hell.”
“Not just for you, Lucas. It’s been tough taking care of Mom. To try to readjust to life here. It sucks. You know that? It fucking sucks.” I spat out. Lucas’ eyes widened. He wasn’t used to me cursing.
“This town is a giant snooze fest. And no one knows how to make a decent cup of tea,” I complained.
“No decent cup of tea? That should be a crime,” he exclaimed.
“Shut up. You’re not allowed to be funny. Or charming. Or wonderful. You can’t make me want to be with you because you hurt me. And now I’m here in bum-fuck Virginia loving you and hating you and wishing I was in Chester kicking your sorry ass.”
Lucas looked ashamed. He didn’t tease me about my verbal vomit. He seemed depressed.
“I know. I’m sorry! I know it’s been hard for you,” he said sadly. “I don’t deserve for you to forgive me.”
“So why should I? I’ve seen you in the news. It looks like you’ve been having a grand ol’ time without me.” I sounded jealous. Yuck.
“I’ve been fucking miserable. Everything’s a mess. The team is pissed at me. I’ve been drinking too much. Anna is ready to put me in goddamned rehab. My mum thinks I’m a grade A muppet for chasing you away. And she’s right. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Okay, so yay. You admit you’re a douche. Now what? You think you can show up here and I’ll swoon back into your arms? Was that your plan?” I demanded.
“No. I know better than that. You have never made anything that easy.” His lips quirked upwards in a smile and I found myself smiling too.
“Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Making me like you. I don’t want to like you.”
Lucas lowered his head. “I understand. I don’t like me much either.”
“So what happens now, Lucas?”
His eyes pleaded with me. They begged. They made promises I wasn’t sure he could ever, ever keep.
“I hope you can let me earn your trust again. I hope you can let me show you how much you mean to me. How sorry I am. How much I love you. How much Ineedyou.” Lucas cupped my face.
“You talk a good game, don’t you?” My resolve was weakening. I could feel it.
I tried to hold onto my anger.
But it was hard when he was so sincere.
Lucas shook his head. “This isn’t a game. Not for me. Not since I realized you didn’t give a tosswhoI was. That you only cared abouthowI was. You make me a better person, Morgan.”
“It sounds like you haven’t been the best person lately, have you? It looks like you’ve been a real wanker.” I couldn’t help but get in that one last dig.
“No. I haven’t. I missed you. But that’s no excuse to be a wanker,” he said solemnly.
“So if I decide to forgive you, what will happen the next time you miss me? Are you going to go out and get drunk and let some woman stick her tongue down your throat?” I asked harshly. The memory of those pictures of him the last six weeks burned in my brain.
“No!”
