I walked out to the nurse’s station. Jill was behind the desk, typing on the computer. “Hi Jill,” I said to get her attention.
The woman looked up at me and smiled. “Imogen, hello! Another late one, huh?”
“Actually, I’m here to help with Yossarian Frazier’s discharge. Can you start the paperwork?”
Jill looked confused. “Dr. Howell hasn’t said anything—”
“If you look in Mr. Frazier’s chart he is cleared for discharge once I have secured arrangements for his housing. I’ve secured it. So can you please start the paperwork?” I interrupted her abruptly. My voice was firm. My smile brittle. I knew Jill would want too many details. Details I was not going to give her.
“I will need to check Dr. Howell’s instructions,” Jill stated primly, her back up to my tone. I didn’t make it a habit of alienating the nurses. I had a good relationship with most of them. But I was feeling antsy to get out of there.
“Of course.”
I waited while she pulled up Yoss’s file on the computer. A few minutes later she cleared her throat. “Yes, I see Dr. Howell’s note here. Were you able to get him into the shelter?”
That is none of your business!
“I’ve gotten him appropriate accommodation. I’ll update his chart tomorrow,” was all I said.
Yoss would require follow-up care. I would have to put in his file where he was staying.
I hadn’t really thought about that.
But I didn’t really care.
Those were hurdles I’d jump later.
Right now, I wanted to get Yoss out of the hospital before he talked himself out of it.
I felt as though I had to hurry. That when I returned to Yoss’s room he’d be gone. He’d have disappeared.
“Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll be along to have him sign his discharge paperwork and to give him the outpatient instructions.” Jill gave me a strange look. “Should I put the Salvation Army as his current address?”
She was still digging. I was getting annoyed.
“I said I’d update his chart tomorrow. But thanks, Jill.”
Without saying another word, I returned to Yoss’s room just as he was emerging from the bathroom. The torn jeans and old flannel hung off his frame. He had put on some weight since being in the hospital, but it was obvious he still had a long way to go until his clothes fit him right.
He stood with his hands awkwardly at his sides, his eyes on the floor. “Jill will be bringing your discharge paperwork in a minute,” I said, wishing he’d look at me. There was a strange tension between us.
Maybe I had pushed him too far. Maybe he didn’t want to stay with me. Perhaps I was transferring my own hope onto a man who had none.
“You’re still sure about this?” he asked, his voice rough. His words lacking all confidence.
He finally looked at me and I saw his fear.
Yoss was scared.
“It’s okay to admit that you weren’t thinking clearly when you offered me to come home with you. I understand that seeing me again has brought up all of these old feelings. What we used to have was intense. I don’t think either of us ever expected to see each other again. Not like this. So things are getting mixed up with who we used to be. I don’t want you to feel responsible for me, Imogen. I don’t want you to feelobligatedto ghosts.” Yoss clenched his hands into fists and chewed on the inside of his lip.
His fear was aboutme.
And my possible sense ofobligation.
I took a step towards him. Then another.
Then another.
