“Anything you want,” he said softly.
I cupped the side of his face. “Don’t ask me to leave again. Promise.”
His face contorted and he shook his head. “I can’t—”
“I need you to promise me, Yoss. I don’t push you about your past, don’t push me about mine. That life, that world, it’s gone for me. I can’t go back. You of all people should understand that. So promise me Yoss that you won’t fight with me about this. I need to know you want me here with you. Always. I need to know you love me. It’s the only thing that will make all of this easier.”
I wasn’t playing fair. A part of me knew that.
Yoss leaned down and kissed me, taking my doubts and my fear of rejection and erasing it all.
“Promise,” he murmured against my mouth.
It wasn’t the first lie he ever told me.
And it wouldn’t be the last.
Present Day
“Do you have any other movies on that thing besides Fiddler on the Roof?” Yoss asked moments after I arrived in his room. I had waited to see him until the end of the day. I hadn’t been putting it off. I wanted to see him. Ineededto. But I wasn’t quite sure of the reception I’d receive.
Yoss had kissed me.
It left things unsettled. A little bit awkward.
It was now almost six o’clock and the sun was setting. The sky was awash in fierce shades of red and gold.
I hadn’t been sure what to expect when Yoss saw me again. Asking what movies I had was pretty far from my list of possibilities.
I looked down at my laptop bag slung across my chest. I had brought it with me to take notes in his case file.
“Uh, yeah, sure I do,” I said as I sat down beside his bed. I pulled out my computer and put it on the table, turning it on.
We should talk about the kiss. About the things we had said yesterday. We should talk about his health. What he was going to do once he left the hospital.
I’m not avoiding, I told myself. I was simply allowing us the opportunity to talk about things beyond life and death, choices made and piles of regret.
We’d talk about movies.
And that was okay.
It seemed I wasn’t the only one who needed a break from the heavy stuff.
Yoss started to laugh minutes later.
“What?” I asked in confusion.
Yoss coughed and inclined his head in the direction of the screen. “Is that really a bunch of panda bears in Kiss makeup?”
I started laughing too. Hard. And then I made an unfortunate noise with my nose. It was completely mortifying.
“Did you just snort?” Yoss asked, smirking.
“I didnotsnort. And if I had, way to point it out,” I muttered.
“I remember how you used to snort when you’d laugh and your face would turn a bright shade of red. Sort of like what it’s doing now.” Yoss leaned closer to me, examining my flaming cheeks.
I waved him away with my hand, making him laugh again.
