He hesitated only a moment before he leaned into me. My heart kicked into overdrive. With my other hand I supported his arm. “I’ve got you,” I said quietly, briefly closing my eyes as he pressed against me. His body heat all but burning my skin.
“I know,” Yoss replied just as softly.
Loaded words.
Honest words.
I swallowed thickly and looked away from his green, green eyes. “Well, come on then.”
Yoss, after a few shaky steps, finally gripped my hand and leaned into me, just slightly. “Take it easy, we’re not running a marathon here,” I teased as we ventured out into the noisy ICU.
“It’s a good thing too, or I’d be losing big time,” Yoss quipped.
Several nurses looked our way as we started moving down the hallway in slow, even steps. I glanced at Leanne, one of the nurses on duty, and nodded. “I’m just taking Mr. Frazier on a bit of a walk. He was going stir crazy. Dr. Howell had mentioned a little physical activity would be good for him once the incision healed.”
Leanne nodded. “Of course. Just don’t overdo it, Mr. Frazier,” she lectured.
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Yoss muttered.
“So where to?” I asked as we stopped in front of the elevator.
Yoss looked out the window. It was sunny, showing the first signs of spring. Even though it was still colder than normal for the time of year, the sky was blue and flowers were starting to bloom.
“Is there any way I can get outside for a bit?” he asked wistfully.
“It’s chilly today,” I warned, the two of us stepping into the empty elevator.
“I just want to smell something besides hospital for a few minutes.” Yoss rested against the wall.
“If it’s only for a few minutes, I suppose we can go to the small café up on ninth. There’s a balcony that overlooks the park,” I suggested, hitting the button that would take us to the top floor.
“Any chance I could talk my way into a cup of coffee? Or a cigarette?” Yoss asked, giving me that genuine smile I had fallen in love with all those years ago.
“I had hoped you’d have quit that nasty habit by now,” I scolded.
“I did. Years ago. But sometimes I still crave the nicotine.”
“Oh, well I’m glad you quit. I always hated when you smoked,” I admitted.
Yoss raised his eyebrows. “Really? You never said anything.”
I shrugged but didn’t respond.
Yoss cocked his head to the side and regarded me. It was an intense sort of stare that had me wanting to fidget.
“Sometimes I see you and I forget that we’re not kids anymore. Because even though you don’t quite look the same, you’re still so much like the sixteen-year-old Imi I knew.” His expression was reflective. Haunted. It chilled me and warmed me at the same time.
“I look at you and I see the girl I would have killed for. The girl I loved to the ends of this fucked up, messed up world. But then I see your eyes and I realize you’re not that girl. Not really. Sure, I recognize the hair. The eyes. The dimple in your chin. But you’re different now.”
His words broke me. I wanted to cry and scream thatof courseI was different.
When he left me, he had shattered me at an impressionable age that you don’t always come back from.
Most people get over their first loves. They picked up the pieces and moved on.
That hadn’t been possible for me.
Because what Yoss and I had shared was more than first love.
