Than the ugly reality.
“Yeah, maybe we should just watch the movie,” Yoss chuckled.
I liked that laugh so much better.
I dragged my chair closer and leaned in. Resting my head against the edge of his pillow, I could smell him. I could feel his heat. My fingers rested on his arm. Cold skin. His fever had broken, which was good.
Yoss started to hum under his breath along with the music. My eyes began to feel heavy.
He kept humming.
And for the first time in fifteen years I fell asleep to the sound of his song.
Fifteen Years Ago
“Let’s go do something,” Yoss said, stretching his legs out in front of him.
We were down by the river at The Pavilion. Bug and Di were sprawled in the grass beside us. We hadn’t seen Karla or Shane all day. That wasn’t unusual. Everyone came and went.
It had been days since Yoss had gone off with Manny and he was in a particularly good mood.
The late days of August dripped in sun and heat. It had been two months since I had left home.
Two months since I had seen my mother. Since I had slept in a bed. Since I had a meal that wasn’t either taken from a garbage can, stolen from a shop, or purchased with money earned in ways I didn’t want to think about.
My hair had grown down my back and I had lost a lot of weight. I happened to catch sight of my reflection in a store window and was startled by the girl who looked back at me. I seemed older. But not necessarily wiser.
School would be starting soon. In a matter of weeks my old friends would be going to class and worrying about getting dates to Homecoming.
I would be worrying about other things.
Hopeless things.
“Maybe we should go into town. See what’s going on. There’s a carnival in the square. I saw the fliers last week,” Yoss suggested, taking my hand and holding it between his palms.
He did that a lot lately.
Held my hand.
He had taken to kissing the top of my head or wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. I knew this was significant for him. For the man who shied away from physical contact as if it would hurt him.
But he touched me. And that made me feel special. Important.
Because I was learning, that to him, I was.
Di rolled onto her side and propped her head up with her hand. Besides Yoss, Di was the one I felt the most comfortable around. Despite the metal in every available piece of skin, and her buzzed head that gave her a fierce appearance, she was, in truth, compassionate and thoughtful.
For the longest time, if Yoss hadn’t been around, I felt disconnected. Like an outsider. But that changed one night at the bridge. I had been sitting by myself, watching a couple of guys on their skateboards. Karla was shooting me evil looks, like she always did, and I was trying not to think about Yoss.
I couldn’t think about him.
Not while he was gone.
It would have driven me crazy.
“Hey, you look a little lost over here. What’s up?” Di had asked, sitting down beside me. She was skinny, like all of us, but she was dangerously so. Yoss had told me she struggled with drugs, which is why her parents threw her out of the house.
“I’m fine,” I had told her, feeling a little weird around her.
