I had been waiting so long to be like this with him. I felt like he was throwing obstacle after obstacle up to stop us.
“If you don’t want to…if I’m not…I mean, I don’t want to make you…” I stuttered and tripped over my words, feeling the crushing sense of rejection.
I tried to wiggle out from underneath him wanting to curl into a ball and hide. Yoss held me still, refusing to let me move.
“It’s not what you’re thinking,” he said firmly. “I want to be inside of you. Nothing will stop me from feeling you everywhere.”
I flushed at his words. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I can’t…I mean, we can’t…” Yoss looked away, suddenly shy. “We need protection. I won’t put you at risk. I don’t know if I’m…if I have anything. I love you. I want to be with you. But I won’t risk your health,” he let out in a rush.
Protection.
Where the hell were we going to get that?
“Oh. Okay. Well, that makes sense,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment.
“I have condoms. In my wallet. I always have them,” Yoss explained. He didn’t need to say why he had to be prepared.
Don’t think about that!I screamed at myself.
Not now. Not when we’re likethis!
Yoss crawled off the bed and dug into the pocket of his jeans, retrieving his wallet.
I felt completely exposed, lying naked on the bed. I awkwardly covered up with the blanket, trying not to stare as he tore open the foil packet and rolled the condom on.
I was fascinated, even if I felt a little pervy for ogling him.
When he was finished, he came back to the bed, giving me a soft, sweet smile. He saw that I was completely wrapped in the blanket and raised an eyebrow.
“Are you cold?”
I shook my head. “I feel a little like a turkey waiting to be eaten on Thanksgiving.” I laughed nervously.
Yoss chuckled and slipped under the covers with me. I could feel his latex covered erection against my belly and my throat went dry.
“Are you okay? If you don’t want to—” Yoss started, but I cut him off. With a kiss.
“Does that answer your question?” I asked.
“Yeah. I think so.” His voice broke slightly and he let out a long, pent up breath.
“Areyouokay?” We were asking each other that question a lot. I didn’t know sex required so muchtalking.
“I’m not a virgin, Imi. You know that,” he began. This wasn’t something I wanted to discuss. Not now.
“But I feel like I am.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me flush against him. “Because this is the first time it will mean something. For the first time, I’ll feel ithere.”He placed my hand over his heart. He smiled. “So I’m nervous. Really nervous,” he admitted.
“Me too,” I whispered.
Yoss kissed me again and this time he didn’t stop.
Hands. Tongues. Lips.
They were everywhere.
He entered me slowly. Achingly so. It hurt. A lot.
