“She’ll get on board,” Leo says confidently.
“Hold up,” I say as my twin’s words hit me. “You said ‘babies’.”
“I did, didn’t I.” Sadie jokingly puts her head in her hands. “Guess the Stewart family genes won a point this time. Twin boys. Found out at the scan yesterday.”
“Holy shit, sis.” I laugh. “Holy fucking shit.”
“Two little mini-Leos on my hands in just under six months…” She shakes her head. “Help meeeeeee…”
“They could just as easily have been two little Sadies…and we already know whatonelittle Sadie running around is like.” From the glow of adoration in Leo’s eyes, he loves everything about that scenario. “Now, sit down, woman. No heavy lifting, no tiring yourself out, or thou shalt be spanketh’d.” She rolls her eyes, but acquiesces pretty readily. She’s not one to sit around when there’s work to be done, so I guess a twin pregnancy is already taking it out of her.
For a few moments, Leo and I team up, holding the handrail in place so we can drill it into the wall. And then, as soon as it’s switched off, Sadie speaks up.
“So, since I’m relegated to the sidelines, I guess I’ll just go ahead and ask.” She gives me a pointed look. “Is this finally, you know,itfor you and Nat?”
Damnit.
And she knows that all she has to do is let the silence run on, for as long as it takes, until I can’t stick it anymore. I always cave.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, “but I hope so.”
“At. Fucking.Last,” she shouts, punching the air. “What hastakenyou so long?”
I give her a direct look. “You already know what.”
“Um…Idon’t,” Leo says behind me as he leans against the door. “Sadie’s kept all your secrets, and I’ve often wondered what’s kept you two apart all this time.” He shrugs. “None of my business, but since it sounds like you want it to change… Happy to lend a hand, or some advice, if I can, brother.” He playfully scowls at my sister. “It’s not like I haven’t been there.” She flips him off, using her middle finger to blow him a kiss.
I consider the offer. Since I share everything with my twin anyway, and I know I can trust Leo as well, I might as well take this opportunity to get a few things off my chest. “It started out - or, rather, ended - when El was born. Nat thought we’d be better off, and more stable, if we put a pin in being a couple and focused on the baby. And I didn’t like it, but I agreed that El needed to come first.” I shrug. “You know how enormous it is to become a parent. Now imagine that happening in your mid teens.”
“Big yikes.” Leo grimaces in sympathy; Rhiannon is a feisty little handful for two full grown adults, so he has new insight into just how rough it was for us. Worth it, though.
“But…I don’t know. Eleanor’s getting older now, and she’ll be flying the nest in just a handful of short years. And… Well, once she’s standing on her own two feet, not relying on us in the same way…” I scratch the back of my neck. “I don’t know. I know whatIwant, but…Somuch time has passed. Though there have been…moments.” I sigh, remembering the best one, when I called into her dance studio and gave her something to think about. But that was over a decade ago. “I don’t think it’s ever really died. At least, it hasn’t for me.”
“Quick question,” Leo says, looking at the ground thoughtfully, “have either of you been in a relationship since then?”
I swallow. “No. She went on a couple of dates once or twice, which damn near killed me, but nothing came of them. And the one time I tried to…bewith anyone else…well,” I feel my shoulders hunching with embarrassment. “I mean…to be crude for a second here, I was inside one woman and thinking of another, and that felt terrible, so…”
“Hmm,” Sadie says, giving Leo a pointed look. “What aninterestingway to handle not being with the woman you want.”
He just swipes dust off his shoulder a la elder Luke Skywalker. “Don’t act like you didn’t benefit from my sluttishness while I waited for you.” He narrows his eyes. “Or do I need to remind you of the series of events which landed you with a double act in your gorgeous belly, Pumpkin?” Sadie blushes, but her grin is irrepressible.
“That’s enough, you two.” I shake my head. “You’re worse than Gomez and Morticia.”
“Goals!” Leo crows.
“I accept that as the compliment it is,” Sadie retorts, while her Gomez kisses up her arm and calls hercara mia.
“So you really haven’t...you know, dated around in the intervening years?” He holds his hands up. “No judgement, I just kind of assumed you had.”
“Nah.” A sharp sense of longing settles on me like misty rain. “It was Nat or nobody. Like I said, I tried with someone on my course one time, and it felt like…betrayal. Like fucking someone else was - ”
“Um. Eww.” Oh,great. El’s in the doorway, holding Rhiannon’s hand. Rhi hero worships El like El used to with Sadie, so it’s no surprise when she echoes El’s sentiment with an adorable and enthusiastic, “Ewwwwwwwwww.”
I rub my eyes. “Didn’t know you were there, Princess.”
“Obviously.” Her lip curls, and she fakes retching.
“Don’t listen at doors and you won’t hear things you don’t want to know about your dad. That’s all I’m saying.”
