He actually looks abashed for a second. It’s the sort of expression I’d have expected to see on his face back at the beginning of our relationship. But it doesn’t wash anymore. None of it does.
Having spent the last few months being adored by my devastatingly handsome and charismatic best friend, the most generous, big hearted, kindly inclined, smart, and fun person I know, it throws what I had with this jackass into sharp relief. Christ on abike, I was so bored with him. He’s just grey and dull and tedious, both in appearance and personality. What was I thinking?
And what did my loyalty and fidelity to this bowl of watery porridge of a man get me? Fuck all.
“I wish I had, though,” I add spitefully, turning away. The gloves are off, now, and Iwantto hurt him. Iwantto piss him off. I don’t care about being nice or fair or the bigger person anymore. “I’d have had alotmore fun, ineveryarea of my life.”
He whips across so he stands in my way again, almost but not quite squaring up to me. “Did you ever ask yourselfwhyI chose Cecelia?” His voice is raspy, almost worn.
“Doyouever wonder why I couldn’t give a fuck why you did?”
“You care. Even if it’s just hurt pride, you care.” He sneers. “I’m glad you’re sticking to your level these days, at least.”
I lift an eyebrow, the red mist descending. “Go on…?” Let him say it. Let him see what happens when he finally just goes ahead and says what he’s always thought.
He looks me up and down, lingering on my bump…and, if I’m not mistaken, my boobs. “Do you know what it was like for me, taking you to all those networking evenings, surrounded by my peers, withyouon my arm? The eyeliner, the tattoos bared for all to see, the loud laugh, the way you made it clear you had no idea what anyone was talking about, and just started wittering on about art or films that nobody else cared about? The way they’d look at me afterwards…” He rakes his hand through his hair. “Likeyouwere the best and most appropriate partner I could find, likeyouwere the best I was capable of? You never eventriedto behave with dignity, or carry yourself with any kind of elegance. You were fun to begin with, I’ll grant you that, but you’re so…selfish, so unwilling totryto-”
I hold a hand up, and to my surprise, he shuts up. I give him the sweetest smile I can. “Try?” I start giggling, seething inside. “Like you did, you mean? Face like a slapped arse whenever I wanted us to go out withmyfriends? Insisting we leave early? Treating them like something you found on the toilet paper you’d wiped your arse with?”
He looks at me like I’m disgusting. “See, that’s what I’m talking about. Thecoarseness… It was never appropriate, and you just didn’t give a sh- ”
“I always tried. I talked to everyone you introduced me to and tried to find common ground. You can’t say the same.” I take a step backwards. “You say I’ve found my level and I’m sticking to it? Well,mylevel puts me with Leo, who is smarter, more successful, more polite, and more interesting than you will ever be, so I take that as the highest compliment.” I scoff at his stony face. “Do you realise? You can’t even insult me successfully. And now you’ve bored me,again, and I’m not interested in saying anything else to you, or hearing anything you might have to say, so goodbye forever, and…” I flip him the bird with both hands, and then walk away, striding as best I can while walking uphill.
“That child of yours doesn’t stand a chance,” he muttersjustloud enough for me to hear.
“This child of mine will be able to kick your kid’s arse, if you ever have one. And you know it.” I wink at him, clicking my tongue and giving him finger guns. “I’m off to live a fun and happy life. Enjoy your boring and empty one, and go fuck yourself.”
I couldn’t resist the last three words. I’m only human, after all.
He wanted me to feel beneath him, because that’s the only way he can try to make himself feel better.
He failed.
His opinions hold no weight anymore; in fact, because they’rehisopinions, I’m more likely to think the opposite of anything he tries to tell me.
And mylord, I will be raising my child to be nothing like him.
Leo
This is my favourite time of day.
Who am I kidding. It’s my favourite thing that has ever happened to me.
Sadie and I are both naked, both sated after a slow, lazy fuck on the bed - having made creative use of her long pregnancy pillow to keep things comfortable for her throughout - and now I’m running my hand over her bare skin, from her neck to her knees, over and over. I focus most of my attention on our little one, who occasionally prods at my hand from inside the woman I love. Sweet little alien.
“...and you’re gonna love Brazilian barbecue,” I tell them, continuing our admittedly one sided conversation about the food waiting to be experienced once they’re born. “The meatis so tender and juicy, it’sinsane. But if you end up being a vegetarian, that’s cool, I know a place that does this habanero falafel slider that isjust…” I do a chef kiss, before kissing just above Sadie’s navel. “Seriously, though, anything you want to be, I’ll be behind you all the way.”
“You’re making me hungry,” Sadie says sleepily, curling a lock of my hair around her fingers.
I smile up at her. “Want to order anything in?”
She sighs as she thinks. “Hmmmm, maybe. In a bit.” She blinks. “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you: guess who I ran into today when I popped out?”
I concentrate, trying to read her mind. “Not your dad?” I ask with concern, but she seems fine, and I think seeing him would have distressed her.
“No, thank goodness, but you’re in the right ballpark.” She sits up a little. “Peter.”
Shit. “Whoah. And he survived?” I joke, privately bracing myself for whatever she has to say about him.
