Oh god. Oh no. My Leo…what must he be thinking? How much have I had to drink today to throw myself at him like this, out of nowhere? Have I just wrecked our friendship for good with my mad moment of crazy?
Or…what if he just did it out of habit because that’s who he is: a carefree, adorable man-whore who always kisses a woman back, whoever she may be? My heart sinks to my shoes at the thought.
“I’m…” I croak, and my mouth opens and closes a few times as I struggle to think of the right words to undo this, to turn back time and put us back where we were, to a place where he was still someone I hadn’t used to feel better. The fire in his eyes dims, and is replaced with a look of…
…oh shit.Sadness.
That’s what finally finishes me off.
“I’m so sorry,” I mumble, wriggling off the table, unable to look at him anymore. And then I do the worst possible thing, but it’s all I can think to do.
I run the hell out of there.
CHAPTER TWO
Sadie
Ididn’t sleep much. And the sleep I did get is the type where you’re not sure if you ever really dropped off because your mind doesn’t fully shut down.
Hardly surprising after the shit I pulled last night.
I only eat enough breakfast to enable me to take some ibuprofen for the hangover and insomnia combo headache, and then listlessly go about my morning routine, choosing the first top and trousers I come to in my wardrobe without caring if they match, and staring angrily at myself in my bathroom mirror as I clean my teeth.
How could I be so stupid? So reckless with one of the most pivotal friendships in my life? What even came over me? Well, clearly too much wine or something. But I’ve been drunker than that before and would never have done anything so careless with one of my closest friends.
Thank fuck it was only a kiss.
I grimace. There was nothing ‘only’ about that kiss. Leo sure is a technical genius when it comes to a good lip locking, andit doesn’t matter how much I trample it down: that was the best kiss of my life. Bar none. Not even close. Even now, twelve hours later, the thought of it makes my stomach melt and my lady parts clench and tingle and burn with longing.For Leo. My buddy. The biggest pants-charmer-offer in town.
Nothing Peter and I ever did in bed together set me alight the way one kiss with Leo did…
Stop it, I snap at myself, spitting out the last of the toothpaste.It was the booze. The booze and being at a wedding so soon after the breakdown of my relationship. Plus, I guess Leo's just an amazing kisser due to excessive practice, or whatever. Get ahold of yourself and stop being so dramatic.
Everyone saw…
I cringe as I remember the faces of my closest friends, gaping and grinning in shock at me after the hot and heavy display he and I treated them to.
My phone pings. I don’t want to look…
Ugh, so many text messages. A few missed calls from Emily after I...shit, I ditched her wedding reception. Herwedding reception. She had to take time out of it to try to check up on my sorry butt, and I didn’t pick up the phone to her. I didn’t even say goodbye when I left. Fortunately it was very late in the game as things were starting to wrap up, but god, I suck as a best friend. I owe her a massive apology. Eli, too.Shit.
But I’m a little relieved when I see the latest message is just my brother, Tim.
Hey, u ok?
I almost smile. I love him, and I would even if he wasn’t my twin. He’s always been so easygoing and non-judgemental. I know that, in spite of my ho-bag display yesterday, which I wailed to him about over the phone last night, all he cares about is that I’m safe and not dying of embarrassment in my flat. I’m just glad he and Eleanor had left by the time it happened.
I fire a quick one back.Yeah, I’ll live. Building up the guts to leave my flat. Expecting to be followed by that nun from GoT ringing her bell and yelling, ‘Shame!’
He then sends me a picture of my niece eating cereal, looking startled by her dad’s camera once again, eyes wide, spoon in her mouth. Jesus, I still can’t believe she’s in high school now. I remember cradling her in my arms when she was a tiny baby, her little hand gripping my thumb, and that feels like it was only last year.Eleanor says you got this.
I grin, feeling a little better as I gather my keys. I’m lucky. No matter what, Tim will be there if this all comes crashing down, supporting and loving me no matter what.
Deciding to lay low,I arrive at Wishbone around eight a.m. I’m relieved to see it’s locked up and empty. Still, I can’t help smiling a little at the sign a certain someone left on the door.
We are obviously closed and in recovery from Em and Eli’s wedding. Pray for us and leave hangover cures at the door.
I let myself in and quickly lock up behind me. In times of trouble, my safe place, my comfort blanket, is my studio. Another reason why I am seriously pissed off with myself: for jeopardising not only one of my greatest friendships, but my job. I would never want to work anywhere else. I work with my best friends, and we’re practically family. I have an incredible amount of creative licence, both with my designs and the way my studio is decorated. I’m not just an employee here. I can’t lose this place. I just can’t. It’d break me worse than Peter ever could have.
