“Mmm?” God, I’m so relaxed. I really needed this after that blow-up.
“Move in with me.”
Record scratch.
I sit bolt upright. “Whuh?” I blurt inarticulately. My relaxation dissolves.
He lifts one of my feet and kisses my ankle bone playfully. “Move in with me,” he repeats, like it’s just that simple.
God, did he read my mind? I mean, when I thought I could stay here forever, I didn’t actually mean it…
…did I?
NO. No, of course not. We’re already racing so far ahead as a couple. Living together is just one more item stacked on the already overloaded Buckaroo that is us. We need to pace ourselves more. Why can’t he just get that through his head?
“Well, I can tell from your delighted response that you’re completely on board with the idea,” he says wryly, resuming my foot massage serenely.
“Look, it’s really nice of you…” I cast around for the right words.
“I’m not asking to be nice, idiot. I’m asking because I want to live with you, and it makes perfect sense.”
“What?!” I splutter. “How…howdoes it make perfect sense?! You knocked me up like five minutes after we got together. We’re already underhugepressure. Why are you hell bent on adding to that?” I scramble up and try to calm my racing thoughts. I’ve always valued my space, my independence. I dread being reliant on anyone, always have, always will. And no, Leo is nothing like Peter, but it’s never smart to jump headfirst into decisions that entangle your life with someone else’s, enmeshing with them ina way that would be hard to get out of. That’s just common sense…
“Jesus, woman, I can hear you thinking like a frickin’ meat grinder over there.” There’s a tinge of irritation to his teasing, and that’s about all I can take today.
“Jesus,man, why are you forcing the pace so much?!” I snap back. “Of all times to bring this up, couldn’t you have let me relax for the evening? Were you not there earlier?”
He holds his hands up. “OK, you’re right. My timing could have been better. But why is the thought of living with me causing you to blow up again? I’m asking you to move in, not rip out both your kidneys and hand them to me!”
Oh, great. Now I’m hurting his feelings.Again.
I could try to mellow out and apologise, and see if we can hash out a solution.
Or… I could freak out.
I’m going to freak out.
Leo
“Why are you fucking doing this to me?” she rants, massaging her temples fitfully. “Can’t we just take things one step at a time, instead of taking every step at once? I know you’re in some kind of big damn hurry because you’ve loved me for so long, but why is it so wrong to be sensible and pace ourselves? We’ll be more likely to last if we - ”
“Is this about what your dad said about me?” I cut in.
She stares at me, and my insides squirm a bit at the white hot fury in her eyes. “You didnotjust say that to me.”
“Well, what do you expect me to think?” I’m raising my voice now. I know it’s a dumbass thing to do, but I can only take so much. “It’s like pulling fucking teeth with you,all the damntime. Why do you always put up every obstacle you can think of?” My gut twists unhappily. I don’t want to ask, but the words come out anyway. “Is it because you’re notactuallyall in with me, or what? Hedging your bets? Waiting for something better to come along?”
Her mouth drops open. “After the way I defended you to my dad, how on earth do you have the nerve to ask me that?”
“Are. You. On. Board?” I don’t know why I’m doubling down, but I’m too mad and too frustrated to think about what a bad idea it is to push her like this.
“Get out of my sight,” she spits like an angry cat.
“It’s my home,” I point out irritably.
“And let me see if I can find a fuck to give,” she says, sarcastically searching her pockets. “Get the fuck out of my sight,now.”
I sigh, defeated and annoyed to my very core. I’m done for tonight, with everything. “Fine,” I mutter, storming out to retreat upstairs until she’s calmed down enough to have this conversation.
