I started the year pining for Sadie, and now we’re having a baby together. That’swild.
It’s not exactly perfect - she hasn’t told me she loves me yet, and we aren’t living together. And she still seems a little reticent, like she’s forever holding back and observing and waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I know my girl. I know the fact that she’sgoing ahead with her pregnancy is a pretty strong indicator that we’re on the right track, to say the least.
She’s placed all her chips in the centre of our table and betting everything on what we have.
“Mind if I tell Tim?” she asks. She looks tired, her eyes puffy and violet shadowed, but her wan smile is setting fireworks off in my chest.
“Of course. We’ve got so many people to tell.” I sigh happily as I think of them all. “The gang, Gary, my family,yourfamily - ”
She makes a face. “Just Tim from my family for now.”
I pause. I know Sadie’s relationship with her parents, especially her father, is strained. But they will need to know sooner or later. We can’t exactly keep it secret.
I won’t press the issue now, though. Everything will happen in its own good time.
She picks up her phone and starts pacing as she waits for her brother to answer. “TIm,” she says finally, “I, er… No, nothing’swrong…” She fidgets, smiling awkwardly at me. “It’s…well, it’s…” She stops stock still, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Actually, I’m pregnant.”
I watch her face. There’s trepidation there, sure, but I can also see the beginnings of happiness. Especially now she’s said it out loud to her twin.
She looks right at me and smiles a smile that fills me with fresh relief, starting to giggle at whatever Tim has said. “Yes, Leo! Who else?!” Her face softens as she listens, and she places her hand over her heart. “Thank you, bro,” she melts, before giving me a mischievous look. “Sure, he’s right here.” She hands the phone over to me, snickering under her breath.
I take the phone, ready to take any anti coming my way. “Hi, Tim - ”
“Can she hear you?”
“I, er…” I stand and walk into the bedroom, trying to ignore her shaking her head and laughing at me. “Not anymore.”
“OK, mate, I’ll get this part out of the way: if you ever hurt Sadie in any way, I’ll turn your insides into your outsides and make you beg for death, blah blah blah. Now…” I can hear him smiling. “This is the best news I’ve heard in…ever. And I am very happy for you both.”
I breathe out a huge sigh of relief I wasn’t aware I was holding on to. “Thanks, Tim, that means a hell of a lot coming from you. And I promise, you’ll never have to worry. I’ll take care of her like you wouldn’tbelieve.”
“I know,” he replies sincerely, “I don’t doubt that for a second. And, listen, if you need anyone to talk to about fatherhood, I’ve been doing it for almost half my life, and I’m always happy to help.”
I need to spend way more time with Tim Stewart. The man isseriouslygood people. And he’s my kid’s uncle, too, so I will make a point of doing just that.
“Thank you, I willdefinitelybe taking you up on that.” It hits me that I have a huge shit ton to learn between now and when the kid is born, and I never knew it was possible to be so excited and so spine meltingly daunted all at the same time.
“Tip number one: coconut oil.”
I lift my eyebrows. “For?”
“Nappy changes. Saves you having to rub too much when you clean them up. Just a little coconut oil makes the whole process so much easier, dude, trust me.”
I grab a pen and write ‘coconut oil’ on my hand. “Cheers, I will definitely be picking some up.”
I can do this. Coconut oil. Sure, makes sense. I’ll do my research to find the best brand, the proper organic stuff, and get ten or twenty jars. Because I’m going to be prepared, and mybaby will have nothing but the very best coconut oil on his or her skin.
I am going to rock the shit out of being a daddy if it kills me.
For agesand ages after the scan, I keep my arm wrapped around Sadie’s shoulder as we stare at the printout of the ultrasound they gave us, stunned and enraptured in my car. This grey-blue fuzzy blob is our whole world right now. Our future, our present, our every waking thought.
I will never forget the other-worldlywhomp-whompof the little heartbeat. It made everything real, not just a theory. There reallywassomething wonderful in there, busily growing and heading towards being an actual human being. I closed my eyes to take the noise in, let it fill my head, while holding tightly to Sadie’s hand as she kept her watery eyes glued to the screen, like she was already looking out for and watching over the little bean. I know she’s going to be the most terrific mother; big hearted, easygoing, and accepting, but with eyes like a hawk and a fierce mama bear streak. I know how badly she had to pee - she had to drink loads of water beforehand, and the way she fled to the toilet without even wiping the gel off her stomach spoke volumes - but she held out as long as possible, not wanting to say goodbye to the heartbeat just yet.
I kiss her hair, grateful that my child will have her.
Grateful thatIwill, too.
And, god forgive me -Sadieforgive me, too - but I am beyond grateful that the locum doctor she called about her migraines last time prescribed her a drug that shouldn’t be mixed withhormonal birth control, without taking any medical history. By rights, that is horrendous negligence on his part, and Sadie was rightly furious when the new doctor explained everything to us…but I’m not sorry. I will never be sorry. And, given the way she quickly calmed down, ran a hand over her still flat stomach, and let it go, I don’t think Sadie is truly feeling resentful in her heart, either.
