“Good for Leo,” Omar quips. “Think you can replicate that move from the other side, Sadie Lou?”
I narrow my eyes at my friends, who are low fiving each other. “I look forward to it.”
He grins, and if it wasn’t for my feelings for Leo, and before that my relationship with Peter, I’d have slipped him my number ages ago. If for no other reason becausedamn,that smile of his is beautiful. “Alright. Try not to kill each other.”
The moment he walks away to another student, Emily cracks. “Ohmygodohmygod, tell useverything, I can’t wait a second longer!”
“OK, OK,” I mutter, but I can’t help smiling. I’m finally ready to talk about it, and although I’m pretending to be my usual cranky self, I’m actually looking forward to sharing everything with them.
But not before I’ve tortured them a bit.
“But only after class.” Em groans in frustration, and I walk towards Liaden. “Now, come at me, Sis. It’smyturn…”
Once we’ve pickeda post-class burger joint, ordered, sat down, and started eating, Em’s finally had enough.
“I swear to god,” she explodes, “I have been waiting for this moment for bloody buggeryages, so put down your cheeseburger and tell useverything, or I’m going to stop buying all your favourite coffee flavours for work, and I’ll just buy the tasteless, shitty ones.”
“Oof,” Liaden comments mildly, “I think she’s serious.”
“Not my sticky toffee pudding lattes,” I wail mockingly.
Em ignores me pointedly. “How did you guys finally…” She whirls her forefinger.
“Cut to the heart of the issue?” Liaden suggests.
“Jesus, let me swallow first,” I say through a mouthful of a really fucking fantastic burger. Gooey melted smoked cheddar, an inch thick patty perfectly chargrilled, and sweet maple bacon, with crisp salad and no pickles.
“There’s a ‘that’s what she said’ joke in there somewhere,” Liaden quips.
I open my mouth to crack a joke back, but I see the barely contained impatience in Em’s eyes, and relent. “We talked…” I think for a few moments. “He’s been so patient. It’s just…been a lot to get my head around.”
“I bet,” Liaden says thoughtfully.
“He was amazing when I had that migraine,” I admit, staring at the layers of my burger. “Nothing was too much trouble.”
“That’s the way it should be.” She squeezes my wrist as Em nods. “Peter was not the norm, darling.”
“I know that.” I sigh impatiently. “I knew it back then, too. And yet I stayed with him for far too long for stupid bullshit reasons, and I have to live with that. But I’m not too dense to know thathewoefully underdid things, andLeogoes the extra ten miles and then some.”
“Polar opposites. And I am so fucking glad you’refinallyletting him do it.”
We both stare at Em. That’s the first time I’veeverheard her say ‘fuck’ the entire time I’ve known her. “Easy, tiger,” I tease.
“Not a chance, bish. It’s been so hard not telling you,” she says, sounding almost defiant, “and the thing we’ve all been hoping for has finally happened, so I’m gonna enjoy it.” She takes a huge bite of her spicy bean burger, sauce dripping onto her plate. “Iss ‘bout bwuwwy ‘ime.”
I put my own burger down and sip my cola. “That’s been bothering me. You all knew, and I didn’t, and that makes me feel pretty goddamn stupid.” Em tries to interject, but I carry on talking. “And maybe I was. Because things with Leo…they’re a dream. They’re slotting into place so…disturbingly well, that I can’t believe we haven’t been doing this forever.” I look up at them, and they’re paying attention, letting me ramble. “I just can’t get over the feeling that this is too good to be true, and it’s all gonna come crashing down and leave me with nothing.”
“That’s a trauma response,” Em cuts in. “I felt the same way when I left Gav. You think that this is the way life is, and that good things only happen to other people. But that’s bullshit.”
“So, what, you’re saying that Peter ruined my ability to enjoy anything?” I sneer. Not on my watch. That bastard spoiled enough of my life, he’s not getting any more of it.
“Well, yeah. You expect less, so Leo seems outlandishly good. But all he’s doing is loving you properly.”
I mull that over. “Wouldn’t have said I was traumatised, but there you go. And I’m still going to keep things easygoing whilethey settle into…well, whatever they’re going to settle into.” I shrug. “I’m not going to make the same mistakes twice in a row.”
“Doesn’t that…” Em pauses, clearly searching for the right words. “Doesn’t that rather punish Leo for what Peter did?”
“That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid.” I pick my burger up again, mostly for something to do while I consider it all. “I’ve got to look after myself first and foremost, and take things atmypace. Not Leo’s, not anyone else’s. Or I’ll fuck it up.”
