“Sure,” he says with a shrug. “What’s the use of whoring myself around town if I can’t pass on my wisdom? Just…for god’s sake, don’t do what I did my first time.”
What was that?
He laughs. “We’d been on a proper date to the cinema to see some Japanese horror film, cos that’s what she was into. And then, when we went back to hers, her parents were out and we were getting down to it. And I was trying to put the condom on, when some tree branches or something scratched against her bedroom window, anddude,” he’s laughing so hard he can barely talk, “it soundedexactlylike the creepy ghost girl scratching on the windows in the movie we’d just seen, and I screamed, fell off the bed, and the condom pinged off my cock and smacked her in the eye…” I’m crying with laughter myself at the mental image. “Let’s just say we waited until the next morning to - ”
“Heyyyyy!”
We look up, and Sadie is walking over to our table with a huge, happy smile on her face. “I passed Eli as I was on the way in. He was in some kind of hurry, but he said you guys were in here, too.” She kisses us both on the cheek. “How was last night?”
Peter comes through the door, and he stiffens when he sees her talking to me and Leo, almost but not quite rolling his eyes.Fuck, not this guy.
“Gentlemen,” he nods with no attempt at a smile. “Sadie, let’s get a table.”
“Give me a tick, I’m just catching up,” she says, taking what was Eli’s seat next to me.
Before she can return to her conversation with us, Peter huffs in annoyance, and I kind of want to sock him in the gut. “Sadie. You’re the one who insisted on being taken out for lunch. I havethings to do. YouknowI have things to do, so for the love of god, let’s just get this over with.”
“You fucking what, mate?!” Leo asks angrily, and Peter steps back, perhaps not expecting that reaction from him. For a second, there’s a flash of fear in his eyes, before his usual shitty sneer returns. Pissy little coward. Sadie puts a gentle but firm hand on Leo’s arm, because clearly she’s got this.
“Since taking me to lunch issuchan unpleasant chore for you,” she says calmly, with a silky, dangerous edge, “go and do whatever it is you’d rather be doing. I’ll have lunch with these guys.”
“Oh, for crying out loud,” Peter snaps, but she cuts him off.
“No. I changed my mind. I don’t want to eat with you now. Leo and Dean will be much better company than you are in this mood.”
He gives Sadie the filthiest look, mutters something about “childish waste of time” under his breath, and storms out.
“Jesus suffering fuck,” Leo bursts out, “how long has he been speaking to you like that?!”
Sadie is a little paler than she was when she walked in, her light dimmed by Peter’s unbelievable rudeness. Even I feel the need to go get him and rip him a new asshole for treating her that way. “Don’t worry about it. It’s my problem, and I’m fixing it today. Enough is enough. I need to have this out with him.”
Is there anything I can do to help? I ask, certain that if I can’t find something helpful to do or say, I’ll end up telling her what I really think of that walking shitheap.
She gives us both a tired, strained smile. “Just tell me what was making you laugh so much when I came in.”
Leo grins at her, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. I can see from the way he’s clenching and unclenching his fists in his lap that he’s also itching to go after Peter and teach him a five knucklelesson in manners. “Just telling Dean about the role of Japanese horror films in my sexual debut.”
She laughs readily. “With the tree on the window, and the…” She mimes a condom, pinching with one hand while her thumb and forefinger on the other rolling downwards, and then mimes it hitting someone in the eye. “I love that story. Mine was nowhere near as interesting as that. How did that come up in conversation? Have I walked into bro talk?”
Leo gives me a cautious look, but I trust Sadie, and her perspective would be incredibly valuable.
I nod at Leo.Tell her. It’ll be easier if he explains, because although Sadie’s ASL is good, she probably won’t know the sign forvirginityorsex advice for a loser in his mid thirties. And I left my iPad at home, so I can’t just type it out for her.
Leo clears his throat. “Ah, Eli and I have been giving Dean the benefit of our advice on…” A waitress passes close by, so he drops his voice to a murmur. “How to get a woman off.”
Her lips make an ‘O’. “You and Liaden?” she whispers to me. I nod, and she beams, her whole face lighting up. “That’s great! I’m so pleased for you both. And I mean, hey, you certainly asked the right men. Em is a happy camper, and Leo’s certainly ‘pleased’ about half the women in this town.” She lets out a dirty giggle and gives him a mischievous look, seeming a lot happier now that the subject of Peter has been dropped.
I smile awkwardly.I mean… I know you’re probably wondering why I need advice and don’t already know how to…
“None of my business,” she assures me smoothly. “So I take it they’ve given you the, well, the ins and outs, as it were?” She grins, and Leo’s eyes go a little soft before he masks again. Poor bastard. I have new sympathy for him since Liaden showed up in my life. The idea of watching her be with someone else… No fucking thank you.
I nod at her.But if you have any advice, I want to hear it.
“Oh, sure. I mean, being the proud owner of a vagina, I do have the inside track, punvery muchintended.” She grabs her purse and pulls out a black pencil I think I’ve seen her use on her eyes before now. She picks up a paper napkin, and, quick as a flash, sketches a rudimentary vulva while Leo and I stare.
“Ok, so,” she mumbles as she finishes drawing, “obviously hit the clit and hit it often. It’s literally just there for pleasure, so it’s a no-brainer.” She uses the pencil to point at the small circle she’s drawn at the top. “But at the same time, there’s no sense in focusing on it to the exclusion of everywhere else. Rolling your tongue gently around her entrance is just…” she shivers exaggeratedly. “It feelsso good,just deliciously amazing and wonderful. And if you remember nothing else, dear god,no teeth. You wouldn’t want anyone chomping on your shaft, and we don’t want people biting us in our delicate areas. Well, at least I don’t. I’m sure it’s a kink for some people, and that’s valid, but don’t just do it without asking, OK?” She sighs. “Jesus, I’m just realizing how long it’s been since I got any head. It’s beenforever. Oh, and on that subject, when she starts to come, that’snotthe time to take your mouth away. That’s when you settle in andgive that pussy hell.” She taps the table in front of her with each syllable to punctuate how serious she is about that last part.
Leo has picked up his glass with a shaking hand and is downing the rest of his pint, looking anywhere around the pub except at Sadie. His leg is jiggling up and down, and a flush is creeping up his neck.
