Eli Gastright: And I promise I won’t laugh. You OK?
Leo Mills:Seconded
Dean Gastright: Yeah, just…screwed.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Dean
I’m too restless to stay at home, so I’m at the pub half an hour before I meet the guys, nursing a lager shandy and drumming my fingers on the table. I’m half tempted to start knocking back something stronger, hair of the dog that bit me, but I’m still sore from last night in more ways than one. Plus, it’s a slippery slope with me and substances, even alcohol, so I do the smart thing and drink light. I have to be careful.
I can still taste Liaden’s kiss on my lips, and I don’t want the harsh burn of liquor to wash it away.
I’m glad I got a secluded corner table, away from the rest of the Sunday lunch customers to have the conversation I need to have for her sake. I don’t mind the embarrassment I’m going to feel, but I don’t want my private business to be overheard.
That kiss…
I mean, I know I’m out of practice; my last make-out session was almost half my lifetime ago, soanykiss would be remarkable. But even bearing that in mind, that was something special. The way we fit together, matched each other’s rhythmso quickly, held each other so tight as the intensity built… She tasted like happiness, and every little sigh she made as I kissed her is running through my head over and over on a loop. I hope it never stops. I likethisthought train.
And I didn’t think of Callie once.
I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I don’t feelbad. And there's a whole bunch of shit to unpack right there, but that’s gonna have to wait for another time.
It’s not easy to sideline Callie, because normally I do think about her a lot, prioritize her in my mind. It seems the bare minimum I owe to the girl I failed to save. But now Liaden is a priority, too, and that’s terrifying and complicated and…good. I know in my bones it’s good, even if it does come with a side order of guilt.
Eli and Leo arrive together, and I’m relieved to have these thoughts interrupted.
“Hey, man. Same again?” Leo looks worn out after last night, and Eli has shadows under his eyes, but they’ve still shown up for me. I shake my head, holding up my half full glass, and he turns to Eli. “Doom Bar?”
“Thanks, man,” Eli replies as he sits beside me, and Leo heads off to the bar.
I sigh.Where y’at?
“Awrite. You?” I’m given one of his diagnostic looks, seeking out any obvious reason for my call for aid this morning.
I’m OK. Just…it’s been a hell of a morning, and I need your advice. I look up at the bar, where Leo is making the bartender blush and giggle as she pulls his pints, because flirting is as automatic as breathing with him.I need BOTH of you to advise me, I add. Eli can give me great advice as a man devoted to his woman, but Leo’s ladies’ man credentials are like gold to me right now.
“No problem,” Eli replies in his mumbly voice with a vague chuckle at Leo. That’s one of the best things about Eli: he’s not pushy, and will let me talk about things in my own time without pressing me for more than I want to say. He took the advice my first few therapists gave him seriously. He’s always unflappable, always ready to listen rather than talk - in fact, mostly he prefers it - and I know he’ll go easy on me with this. I need to swallow my pride for this conversation, and he’ll pick up on that and treat it as no big deal. Leo will be more animated, and probably have more questions, but I know he won’t laugh at me either. So as humiliating as this is, I know they’ll help, and I’m not above asking for advice.
Besides, Liaden will be better off if I talk to them instead of going in blind with guess work, so as far as I’m concerned, any embarrassment is one thousand percent worth it.
Leo comes back with the pints and settles down on the stool opposite mine. “So what’s up?” He takes a drink and wipes the foam off his moustache with the back of his hand, looking me straight in the eye. He kids around more than most, but he’s always been there for me when I’ve needed him, and he’s never once held the scar on his eyebrow against me. It’s not just Eli I’m thankful for in this life.
I run a hand over my face and go over what I practised saying in my head on the way here.Liaden and I kissed this morning.
Before I can go any further, Leo wordlessly holds a hand up to Eli, his expression unchanged, and Eli high fives him with an approving rumble.
I exhale a laugh.She actually liked the Facebook post, if you can believe it, I add, still a little incredulous that something so cringeworthy had such a positive result.
Eli smiles. “I can believe it. What you did was one hell of a grand gesture, even if you were drunk off your ass.”
“Seconded,” Leo adds.
I shrug.I still feel like a total tool about that, but I guess it all worked out. Anyway, she came over to my place and asked me to kiss her, so I did, and now… What? They’re both grinning at me like a pair of idiots.
“Nothin’,Frère. Go on.” Eli schools his face into a more serious, attentive expression. Leo makes no such effort, which is distracting, but I plough on.
Well, now she’s invited me to her place tomorrow, and… Here goes.I think things might…escalate… God help me, I can feel my face going red.And I don’t want to punk out. I want to do this, but…I need to know how to… I swear to god myhairis sweating.How to make sure anything we do together is good for her, not just me. Because there’s no way I’m leaving her hanging or short changing her…if you know what I mean. I look up from the beer mat I’ve been fiddling with, relieved beyond words to see there’s not even a hint of amusement on their faces. I knew they’d never outright lose their shit laughing at me, but it’s great to see they’re not even smirking.
