Dean: You look
…I pause. Stunning? Gorgeous? Like my wildest dreams brought to life?
Dean: You look awesome. Lisa Simpson for President.
Liaden: Damn straight. Lisa rocks. And she did take over from President Trump that one time…if only, hey! You all set for the stag night?
Mentally translating ‘stag night’ to ‘bachelor party’, I start typing again, feeling a little reckless.
Dean: Almost. Just about to head into the shower.
Crap, I think, mere seconds after pressing send. Was that too suggestive? Or not suggestive enough?Why is this such a fucking minefield?!
Liaden: Ooh, I’ll enjoy those mental images [wink emoji x3] x
I let out a sigh of relief, tinged with nerves. This thing between us is snowballing, at least by my standards, and I’ve almost decided to just let it. To let things happen as they will, to take what she offers however it comes, however she wants things to be.
Even if I don’t deserve it.
My phone pings again, snapping me out of a trance I didn’t realize I was in.
Liaden: PS Daria Morgendorffer for VP, Jane Lane for Chief of Staff.
I think I’ve smiled more because of her in the last few weeks than I ever have in the whole of my life so far.
And I’m starting to enjoy it.
Leo’scompletely outdone himself for Eli’s bachelor night.
His townhouse on the outskirts of Foxton is decked out with a variety of L plates, streamers, and blown up condoms, most of them ribbed or bobbled. It’s enjoyably trashy. The island in his kitchen is groaning with beer and liquor, and the barbecue in his backyard is making enough food to feed a small country, let alone the selection of guests. His ‘Dean Friendly’ playlist on Spotify, discreetly named ‘DF tuneage 1’, is pumping through his brand new speakers, bought specially for the occasion.Ain’t Comin’ Homeby The Lucky Strikes is adding a bluesy feel that reminds me of home, and I mouth along to the lyrics.
None of the neighbors will call the cops due to the noise, because the majority are here with us, drinking and laughing loudly with some of Eli’s favorite clients, Sadie’s brother, and Chris Richards from the band Turn it Up, who’s concentrating hard on making a balloon hat out of condoms. Leo is a smart host, if a little over the top in his decor and provisions.
I know most of the guests here today, and I’ve found myself relaxing and enjoying myself more than I expected to. It’s hard to talk to some people, but the guests I don’t know that well are being very understanding. Somehow, I won Leo’s game of ‘is she screaming with rage or ecstasy’; he printed out a bunch of photos of women either yelling or coming, and we had to guess which was which, and somehow the virgin man was the only one who got a hundred percent. Go figure.
Maybe the tequila helped.
I’ve been drinking quite a lot of it, first to help me cope when I first got there and the anxiety was threatening, andthen because I just enjoyed the buzz. I liked beingone of the boys, playing Never Have I Ever and cracking up at some of the revelations. Chris is so wasted because of it. He’s always a riot, kind of exhausting, and definitely Leo’s problem when the party’s over.
It’s all starting to catch up with me, though, and I’m grateful that Leo had the foresight to prep a breakout room for any guests - i.e.me- who need to take time out to chill in peace and quiet.
I close the door and sink into one of the overstuffed padded chairs, swimmy-headed and wishing I’d been smart enough to grab a burger or something to soak up the alcohol before I started drinking.
But not only is the liquor keeping me calm and letting me cut loose, it’s keeping me honest. Even with myself. It’s Eli’s bachelor night, and Istillhaven’t told him I can’t stand as his best man. And six or seven tequilas have blasted through the cobwebs so I can admit to myself why I haven’t yet.
Iwantto do this for him.
Iwant to be the one standing next to him at the altar, keepinghimcalm. I haven’t told him I can’t do that for the simple reason that I don’twantto.
In vino veritas. Well, in tequila veritas, anyway.
His first wedding to Charmaine was a quick ‘I do’ at a registry office without any best man or bridesmaids. Blink and it was done.Thiswedding, though…it represents the right choice for him. This is Eli living his best case scenario, and I want to be a part of it. It might be selfish of me - I probably won’t make it through the day, maybe even the ceremony, without some kind of problem - but I can’t help it.
I’m getting annoyed with myself, so I fumble for my phone in case Liaden has messaged me. I wonder if she’s enjoying herself. I know Em and Sades were planning on pulling out all the stops for her first sleepover, but I wonder what she thinks of it all.
Almost by muscle memory, without making the conscious decision to do so, I flick to her Facebook profile photo. I’ve looked at this pic of her delivering a speech on a podium so many times I could probably sketch an exact copy from memory. I just love the expression in her eyes, her obvious enjoyment of whatever subject she was speaking about.
I sigh and put my phone away. I need to stop being such a creeper.
