Who even am I anymore?
CHAPTER THREE
Dean
“So what’s with you?” my other cousin, Leo, asks me out of the blue as he appears in my studio doorway. He doesn’t take his eyes off me as he takes a huge bite out of an apple. He’s scanning me, missing nothing, and I curse how perceptive he is, because I can’t hide anything from him. It’s just a case of whether I choose totellhim or not.
And I choose not.
What are you talking about?I’ve checked and rechecked, and all the inks and various types of needle I will need for Liaden’s appointment are all set to go, but I check again once more anyway. It’s almost six p.m, and she’ll be here any minute.
“After hours?” he asks around a mouthful of fruit. “I nearly fell over when I heard. Since when are you happy to do that?Plus, I hear from Embo that you borrowed her iron first thing this morning andactuallyironed your clothes.” He gives me a look, his eyes alive with avid curiosity. “You. Ironed. Your. Clothes.”
He’s got me there. I’m a single man. I don’t iron shit. But I made a point of ironing everything I’m wearing today. And this is only the second time I’ve ever worn this henley, but he doesn’t need to know that.
Whatever, man, I’m busy. I pointedly ignore him while I fiddle with the inks, my sketch for her tattoo, anything and everything to look like I have shit to do and don’t have time for this. But it’s all been ready for a couple of hours now, so it’s hard to be convincing. I need him off the scent. I don’t want him doing to me what he did to Eli when he was all lovelorn over Em. Unlike Eli, I don’t need Leo’s input into any part of my life. I need him to butt out.
And since when is Em a snitch?
Screw it, if they all even think about ganging up on me like we sort of did with Eli, I’m moving to Tibet and taking the easiest vow of silence ever sworn.
“‘Whatever’ at me all you want,” he says, tightening his ponytail. “This is not Normal Dean Behavior. My guess is, Liaden O’Brien is cute.”
I scoff.You looked up my appointment, you loser?
“Course I bloody did. I amdyingof curiosity.”
“Leave him alone, butthead,” Sadie says behind Leo, poking her head under where his arm leans on the door. Leo’s eyes change immediately, softening for a split second the way they always do whenever Sadie shows up and calls him names. She misses it because she’s rolling her eyes at me. “Ignore him, Deano. Just enjoy the appointment. Your design kicks serious arse, and I’d be thrilled if it was me. She’s going to love it.” I give her a grateful look, both for sidetracking Leo and for saying the kind of things I need to hear right now.
Leo stuffs his apple in her mouth, and she grumbles at him, but takes a bite anyway. He holds his hand out to me. “Show me?” I hand over the sheet with my design of the Rosetta Stoneon it. I’ve tried to include an example of all the different types of glyphs, and to recreate the texture of the rock’s surface. I may have stayed up almost all night on this one, but I’m pretty sure I’ve done a good job. I hope I have. I want her to like it.
Fuck that, I want her toloveit, and to look at me like I’m some unimaginable genius.
Sadie grins, and Leo lets out a low whistle, his eyes narrowing. “This is some of your best work ever, and that’s saying something. What’s the deal?” I scowl at him impatiently. “Something,” he says, handing my sketch back, “is going on here, and I wanna know what.” Sadie elbows him in the ribs with an irritable mutter and hands his half-eaten apple back as her phone dings.
I look him dead in the eye. Fuck this. If I’m not escaping Leo and his goddamn bloodhound nose for this kind of thing by distracting, denying, or misdirecting, I’m gonna have to fight dirty.Yeah, funny the things we’ll do for a cute woman, isn’t it, Cuz? I nod meaningfully towards Sadie, who’s firing off a quick text and not paying us any attention. She’s not fluent at ASL, but she’s good enough to have been able to catch the gist of what I said to him if she’d been looking.
Leo stares at me, stunned, his jaw all tight. Caught him off guard with that one. It’s a rule so obvious that none of us even need to say it: wedo not, underanycircumstances, mention his feelings for Sadie if she’s anywhere close by. How the hell she’s still in the dark about it is a testament both to our discretion and his ability to hide his shit, despite the lengths he goes to in order to make her happy. Those ridiculous Wishbone Tattoos t-shirts are just the tip of the icebergBut if I need to use that secret of his to rattle him so I can make it clear that he needs to back the fuck off on this, I will. I never have before, so he knows now that I’m as serious as a heart attack.
He gives me the barest inclination of his head, acknowledging the point, and stands straighter. “Fine, keep your secrets, you mysterious fuck,” he quips with an easy smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and I know I hit him where he lives. His arm dangles around Sadie’s shoulders, and he places her in a gentle headlock, making her squeak. “Come on, Sades, stop badgering this guy about his private business and leave him alone. I’m taking you to the Red Lion, and then we’re having yet another talk about you poking your nose in where it isn’t wanted…” She giggles and gasps in mock outrage that she did no such thing, and he leads her away, still in the gentle and playful headlock.
But not before he leans back and flips me off with his other hand.
I take a deep breath. I do feel a little bad for attacking his weak spot, but I’ll have to think about that later. Right now, I need to get into the right headspace for this appointment. I’ve been impatient for it all day, and dreading it just as much. My stomach’s been churning with butterflies for hours now. I give my studio one last once-over. It’s clean, it’s tidy, the inks and equipment are lined up, and my gloves are at the ready. I’ve even polished all the fingerprints off my tablet. Everything is as it should be.
Everything except for me.
Get it together, asswipe. So she’s interesting, and smart, and crazy pretty, and sexy, and has a smile that could melt my boxers like hot wax at fifty paces. So what? Nothing’s going to happen. This is just a regular appointment, and I can totally handle this. She’ll show up, I’ll put my professional face on, and I’ll get the job done in six appointments. That’s it. I’ve tattooed beautiful women before, and I’ve been fine. Haven’t ever been interested, even though some of them have slipped me their cell numbers. Some have been subtle, hiding a piece of paper on a bill given tome as a tip, or typed onto my tablet while my back was turned. Some have handed their cards to me quite confidently, no doubt in their minds that I’ll text them. I’ve discarded every last one, deleting and binning without hesitation or regret.
But I know I wouldn’t throw Liaden’s number away if she gave it to me.
And I’ve got to stop thinking along those lines. It doesn’t do anything good.
There are voices coming from the corridor, and they’re getting closer. I swallow hard, running a hand over my face and adopting an easygoing expression as best I can.
Here we go.
Em pushes the door open, having an animated back and forth with Liaden. “OK?” she says brightly to us both, seeming a little excited about something. Liaden strolls through, giving methatsmile. The one I’ve barely stopped thinking about since the moment I first saw it. Ah,shit. It wasn’t exaggerated in my memory; it reallyisthat stunning.
