Her smile returned, but it just made her look sadder and even more tired. “I know. You guys have all been amazing. Especially you.” With a wet laugh, she added, “I practically have to chase all the other wives out sometimes.”
I chuckled soundlessly. “Yeah, that probably gets overwhelming.”
“It does. It’s better than the alternative, but…” She lowered her gaze and chewed her lip. After a moment, she swallowed hard and looked up at me through her lashes. “Listen, there’s a reason I asked for you and only you to come today. I… I need help with some things that I’m not ready for the rest of the wives to know about.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Things you’re not—” My teeth snapped shut when the piece clicked into place. I raised them even higher. “Are you…?”
She managed a smile, though it was halfhearted. “Yeah. About… My OB thinks I’m about fourteen weeks.”
The flood of emotions that crashed through me were so unfamiliar, I couldn’t begin to make sense of them. “Did Leif—” I put up my hands. “Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask?—”
“He knew,” she said softly. “We’d been trying for a while, and he was the one who actually told me to get a test.” Her laugh this time was melancholy but genuine. “He knew with all of them before I did.”
Oh, I remembered that much. He’d been insufferableabout it with both pregnancies. He hadn’t said a word about this one, though. For a heartbeat, I wanted to be hurt by that, but he and Rachel had gone through a lot trying to have kids. That they were incredibly tightlipped about it for a while—not even telling me—really was understandable.
Rachel cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair. “I’m not going to be able to hide it much longer. I mean, it’s a good thing the weather’s getting colder.” She gestured at the bulky hoody she was wearing. “Makes it easy to hide things for a while. But people will know soon. I’m just… We’re past the first trimester, you know? Twelve weeks is usually when we’d start shouting it from the rooftops, but I’m still just…” She trailed off as her eyes welled up.
Swallowing against the lump in my throat, I gathered her into a gentle hug, and my heart broke with how quickly and fully she sagged against me. She didn’t cry—I suspected that, like me, she was overdrawn on tears these days—but she quietly collapsed against me, and I did the best I could to hold her upright.
“We’ve got you,” I said. “The whole team is at your disposal. Babysitting, helping around the house—anything you need.” I paused to steady my voice. “I know none of that fixes anything, but don’t think you’re in this alone, okay?”
The response to that was a ragged sigh.
After a solid minute or two, she let me go and whispered, “I feel like the worst mother ever because I’m not going out of my mind with joy over this baby. But I’ve spent the last two months freaking out over the slightest twinge or anything because…” She swiped at her eyes with a shaky hand. “I mean, what if I lost it, you know? It’s happened before, and this baby is my last connection to Leif. So then wehit twelve weeks, and I should be so relieved and happy, but I’m just…” Her shoulders sank even more. “I’m a mess.”
“No one’s expecting you tonotbe a mess,” I said as gently as I could. “If your feelings don’t make sense—I mean,minehaven’t made a damn bit of sense, and I didn’t lose my husband or the father of my kids.”
To my surprise, she gave a quiet little laugh. “I don’t know.” She half-shrugged, and there was a faint but unmistakable hint of her mischievous personality sparkling in her eyes. “It wasn’t for nothing I always called you Leif’s boyfriend.”
I snorted, some warmth rushing into my face.
She laughed again, then sighed. “Anyway. It’s… Things have been rough. And I’ll tell people about the baby soon. Just…” She swallowed, her composure threatening to fracture again. “Not yet. Maybe once I figure out what I feel about… God,anything.”
I hugged her again. “You’ve got time.”
“Not much,” she said dryly into my shoulder. “Hoodies are only going to do so much for so long.”
“Yeah, maybe. But everyone’s following your lead. Even if they can tell or they guess, I don’t imagine anyone’s going to ask about it or tell anyone until you do.”
The sigh that came was filled with relief. “Let’s hope.” Then she drew back, and as she wiped her eyes again, she seemed to be pulling herself together. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to unload on you.”
“Kinda think you needed it.”
“Yeah. Probably. But still.” She looked right in my eyes. “How areyoudoing? And don’t try to tell me you’re good because Iknowyou, Avery.”
The sudden shift caught me off-guard, and I just barely got all my defenses back into place. Yeah, she knew me, butI wasn’t about to make a grieving widow—apregnantgrieving widow—shoulder the absolute emotional trash fire I was trying not to be.
“It’s been hard,” I admitted. “But I’m… I won’t say I’m good, but I’m holding it together.”
Rachel studied me, and her skepticismalmostcracked through the façade. Much to my relief, her next question was, “How is the team doing? I, um… I haven’t been watching games or keeping up on anything. I can’t imagine trying to play through that.”
The lump in my throat didnotwant to be ignored, but I spoke around it anyway. “It’s been an adjustment. The new guys have really stepped up, and everyone else is finding their groove.”
“That’s good,” she said softly. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly. “Having you as their captain has probably helped. The team is in good hands.”
My stomach lurched at the reminder of the captaincy’s pressure. “God, I hope so.”
“They are.” She squeezed my arm as her smile came to life a little more. “Leif always knew you’d be captain after he retired.”
