“You think I need a therapist.”
Dan gave me that arched eyebrow and half-shrug that always meant,am I wrong?
And… no. He really wasn’t wrong.
“I’m not saying this to blame you,” he said. “But I think it might be something you should explain to Avery. So he understands where you’re coming from.”
I chewed my lip. “What if it’s too late, though? What if I’ve fucked this thing up with him?” I hated how pitiful and scared I sounded. “Like he won’t want anything to do with me, and things will get awkward when he comes back from rehab, and?—”
“Hey, slow down,” Dan said gently. “It sounds to me like he’s a good dude, same as you, and that if you two sit down and talk about this—like really talk and not try to actlike you’re too manly to discuss your feelings—you can figure it out.”
“Hey! I’ve never been too manly to discuss my feelings!”
He rolled his eyes. “No, but I remember some of the conversations we had when we were trying to work things out. It was trying to get blood from a stone from both of us.”
“Okay, that’s fair.”
“See? So go talk to him and see what you guys can work out.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Gotalk to him? Like…”
“Like stand outside his window with a boombox like this is the 1980s or something—I don’t know. But if he’s not responding to your texts or returning your calls, you might have to let him know you mean it. Show up and see if he’ll talk to you.” He paused. “I mean, obviously if he wants you to leave, then leave. But… you know what I mean.”
“I do, yeah.” I almost shuddered at the idea, if only because I was scared Avery would slam the door in my face. How angrywashe over everything I’d said?
“Breathe, Peyton,” Dan said. “It’s probably worse in your head than it actually is.”
“One can hope,” I said with a humorless laugh. “Anyway, you’re right. I’ll see if he’ll talk to me, and either way, I’m going to look into getting a therapist.”
“Okay.” He smiled. “Let me know how it goes, yeah?”
“I will. Thanks for helping me sort it out.”
“Any time. You know that. And hit me up this summer and we’ll do something.” He paused, then laughed with a hint of sadness. “Something tells me we won’t be doing another Tour de Debauchery together.”
I chuckled. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but… I hope not.”
“Same.” He smiled. “Good luck with him. He must be a great guy if he’s got you tied up in knots like this.”
“You mean like Will was such a great guy when he had you?—”
“All right, all right. That’s enough out of you.”
I laughed, and I actually felt it this time.
We ended the call a moment later, and I sat back on the couch and stared up at my living room ceiling. I felt better after talking to my ex, but I also felt a lot worse. Panicked, almost. Like I needed to see Avery right this minute and talk this through, as if every second I waited was one more second he had to slip away from me forever.
I wanted to see him face to face like Dan had suggested, but I was still a coward. I also had to head back to the arena soon, but also… coward.
I needed to at least try something, though, so with my heart in my throat, I wrote out a text.
I know I fucked up, and I’m sorry. Can we talk?
I got no answer.
CHAPTER 39
AVERY
