“Yeah.” I caressed his cheek again. “If you’re not there yet, that’s—it’s fine. I know people sometimes—things happen differently for everyone, you know?” I swallowed. “I just wanted you to know where I stand.”
He studied me, a mix of disbelief and maybe a little bitof alarm in his eyes. Slowly, though, his expression softened. He leaned in, and when our lips met, my whole body tingled with desire for him. Maybe not for sex—my body had probably had enough—but forhim.
No, he hadn’t said it back. That was okay, though. I meant what I’d said—everyone came to things like that in their own time. I’d fallen fast for him—really fucking fast. I’d just wanted him to know that this was more than sex and catharsis for me.
So I just pulled him in close and got lost in this long, lazy kiss.
And we didn’t talk anymore for the rest of the night.
CHAPTER 36
PEYTON
I loved the way Avery’s body felt against mine, especially when he was asleep with his head on my chest. I loved having my arm wrapped around his shoulder and his hair tickling my chin. I loved the sound of him breathing, slow and relaxed like he didn’t have a care in the world.
What Ididn’tlove was when I was feeling and hearing those things because I couldn’t fall asleep.
Sleep usually came easy for me. Hockey took a lot out of me, and even on off days—hell, even during the off season—I slept like the dead most nights.
Not tonight.
Because tonight, Avery had told me loved me.
Closing my eyes, I exhaled into the stillness of his bedroom. I trailed my fingers up and down his arm, searching for that peaceful feeling that always came when I was holding him.
It wasn’t coming tonight and I knew it.
Our conversation before lights out pecked at me. Kept me awake. Kept me from relaxing into his warmth.
We’d agreed to just let things happen the way theywanted to happen. Not taking it slow per se, but not rushing. And now…this?
I believed him when he said he loved me. And the words“I love you, too”had been itching to jump off my tongue as soon as he’d said it.
But I’d held back.
It wasn’t that I didn’t love him. I did. I was stupidly in love with this man. For the first time in my life, I had thoughts of going public with someone. Of being together in the long term—past retirement and into whatever came after hockey. Despite our rocky start, things with Avery were easy. They were…right.
That was it—being with him felt right. Like once that piece had clicked into place—once we’d finally crossed that line from friends to more—everything in the world had made perfect sense. They’d moved faster than we’d anticipated, but even that had felt right.
Lying here now, our earlier conversation echoing in my head, I realized how utterly naïve that had been. Without even realizing it, Avery had told me what this really was.
“There was no way I was ditching you after that,”I’d said.“You were obviously in a bad place. You’d have done the same for anyone else on the team.”
“Maybe. But… I’m glad it was you. And that you stuck by me. Especially since I had a chance to fall in love with you.”
I pushed out a long breath through my nose.
I wanted to believe this was love. I wanted itso damn bad.
But.
I sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. He stirred against me, then stilled, breathing slowly and softly in sleep.
Do you have any idea how much I want this to be real?
It was possible. The question was where this began and where everythingelseended. How much of“I had a chance to fall in love with you”was, at its core,“you stuck by me.”
It wasn’t that I thought Avery was insincere or that he was lying. It was that he’d been through absolute hell over the last few months, and in his shoes, I’d be grabbing on to anything good, too. What relationshipwouldn’tfeel like the love of my life if it was the first thing that didn’t suck after my best friend’s death and a new addiction?
