“Beers, steaks, rounds of golf—oh, yeah. He was covered.”
“Good.” Peyton nodded sharply. “As it should be.”
I just chuckled again, and the conversation drifted into a natural lull. I curled a little closer to him, enjoying his warmth and his touch.
It was then that I realized I’d been going on about Leif for… hell, for a while now. Just lying here, talking about my best friend and some of the shenanigans we’d had during the ten or so years I’d known him.
But my voice didn’t feel like it was about to break, and neither did I. For the first time since I’d lost him, talking about him had felt good instead of like I was putting all my weight on a broken bone. The whole time I’d been grieving, I’d been focused on the loss, but I hadn’t spent any time thinking about the good memories. AboutLeif. About all the things I missed rather than how much it hurt that he was gone.
I found Peyton’s hand between us, laced ourfingers together, and pressed my lips to his knuckles. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“For what?”
I swiped at my eyes, though they weren’t tearing up as bad as I expected. “I haven’t spent enough time thinking about the good things lately. I thought it would hurt, you know? Like rubbing salt in my own wounds? But I think I needed it.”
Peyton drew me in closer and kissed the top of my head. He didn’t say a word. Neither did I. There really wasn’t anything that needed to be said, and I just closed my eyes and enjoyed this warmth and this closeness as something like peace settled over me. It would still be a long, long time before Leif’s absence healed from an open wound to a scar. More and more, though, I had hope that that was even possible.
The hardest thing I’d ever done was try to move on without Leif.
And today I was grateful beyond words that I didn’t have to do it without Peyton.
CHAPTER 34
PEYTON
Even as days turned into weeks, I still couldn’t believe I’d landed in this relationship with Avery. That animosity between us at the start of the season was as distant a memory as the way I’d clashed with that one defenseman on my U16 team, but it was still surreal to be on this ground with him.
At the same time, it felt right, and whenever possible, we were inseparable. If I wasn’t on the ice and he wasn’t at therapy, we were together. At his place. At mine. Chilling on a couch. Eating in front of a movie. Tearing up the sheets in bed. Taking far longer showers than we probably should have. When I had to go out on the road, we were texting constantly, and as soon as I was in my room, we’d FaceTime. Sometimes those calls were just chats, catching up and enjoying each other’s company even when we couldn’t be together. Other times… well, it was a good thing I didn’t have a roommate, let’s put it that way.
I was utterly in heaven, and not just because I was having more sex than I’d had in ages—I loved this connection with him. I loved seeing him happy. I lovedmakinghim happy. He was still struggling and would be for a long time—I’d have been worried if he wasn’t—but he smiled more. Though I hadn’t known him before Leif’s death, I was pretty sure he was more like himself than he’d been months ago—quick to laugh, smart as hell, seriously sweet.
I couldn’t wait for the off season to start because then we could step back from hockey and focus on us for a few months. Still condition, still skate, but without the pressure of the regular or postseason, not to mention the pressure on Avery to come back from the player assistance program. Just a long summer of being together.
That was still a little ways off, though. We were in the homestretch toward the playoffs, and more and more, it looked like we had a shot of making it. Avery was due to start his conditioning loan with the farm team soon, and he’d be back at most two weeks after that. Then we’d have fewer than a dozen games left to make a drive at the postseason.
Tonight was a home game against a division rival. It was critical to win this one, ideally in regulation. We needed the points, and we also needed to prevent Jersey from getting any; we were neck-in-neck in the standings, and a regulation win tonight would give as an edge we desperately needed.
It was going to be a challenge, and not just because of the pressure.
“Any updates on Rachel?” Baddy asked after warmups.
I checked my phone. “Nothing yet. Avery said they’re settled in at the hospital, but it could be a while.”
“Don’t count on it,” Eminem said. “She went into labor with the last one right before a game, and Early almost didn’t make it to the hospital in time.”
“If she’s anything like my wife,” Willie chimed in, “this one will be even faster.”
Some of the dads in the room nodded. Some of the others looked dubious.
“I don’t know,” Laramie said. “My son took like six hours, start to finish. My daughter?” He grimaced. “Almost thirty.”
“Holy shit.” Eminem shook his head. “My wife would’vepersonallygiven me a vasectomy with her bare hands by hour twenty-four.”
Laramie nodded solemnly. “Erin threatened to a few times, believe me.”
“As well she should have,” Falon chimed in. “You better believe my husband buys me something very nice on each of our kids’ birthdays.” She poked a finger at him. “I hope you do the same.”
“Uh. Notice how I’m still alive?” Laramie gestured at himself. “I’m singlehandedly keeping an entire jewelry chain in business.”
