I responded so fast, I was surprised I didn’t type a hole in my screen.
Definitely. We can order food or something.
The reply was a thumbs-up, and I’m not ashamed to admit that the relief was almost overwhelming. The damn road trip had gone on for-fucking-ever. I’d spent time with Rachel and the kids, and I’d skated with Marts, since he was trying to stay conditioned while he rehabbed his shoulder, but it just wasn’t enough. I’d been missing Peyton so bad I was losing my damned mind.
And not a moment too soon, he pulled in my driveway.
As soon as I heard the engine outside, I whispered, “Oh, thank fuck,” into the stillness of my empty house. The impulse to fling open the door and greet him like a boyfriend caught me off guard. Fortunately, I managedto tamp it down before I opened the door, and by the time I was face to face with Peyton, I was no longer in danger of grabbing him and kissing him.
That wasn’t who we were. I wished it was, but it wasn’t, and it never would be. I’d already fucked that up—including with a badly timed drunken kiss that I was still mortified about—so I didn’t need to make it worse.
That wasn’t to say it waseasyto keep my hands to myself. It never was, but today he was wearing that gray-blue suit he must’ve worn on the plane. He always looked amazing in suits, and seeing him in one now was like seeing a glass of ice water in the middle of the desert.Want.
Somehow clinging to my dignity and self-control, I said, “Coffee?”
His smile—fuuuck. “Yeah. Sounds good.”
After he’d left his shoes by the door, I led him into the kitchen.
While I got the coffee going, he said, “You’re in a good mood.”
Of course I am,I damn near said.You’re here.
“I am,” I answered instead. “Getting a little stir crazy and missing hockey, but… I’m doing pretty good.”
“That’s great.” He leaned against the counter. “I take it therapy and all that has been going good?”
We hadn’t talked much about that while he was gone. Too depressing. Too many other things to focus on that were so much more pleasant. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s…” I exhaled, rolling my shoulders. “I swear this is the closest I’ve felt to myself since…” I hesitated, then quietly finished, “Since Leif died.”
The words still hurt. On some level, I knew they always would. But it felt more like putting weight on an old, cranky injury than trying to walk on a broken ankle.
Peyton’s smile made the whole world brighter. “That’s great! I’m glad to hear it’s been helping. You look…” He swallowed. “Youlookmore like yourself, too. Not that I knew you before, but…” He actually blushed, which was too damn adorable. “You know what I mean.”
I laughed softly. “Yeah, I follow. I’m just glad I wasn’t too far gone when I got help. I can’t imagine digging myself out of a deeper hole than this.” I held his gaze. “So… thanks for that.”
“You’ve done the work,” he whispered. “Not me.”
“No, but you gave me the swift kick in the ass that I needed.” I swallowed. “To be honest, I think you saved my life. You definitely saved my sanity.”
He swallowed hard, but then he smiled. “Glad I could help. I know it was rough there in the beginning, but… I’m glad it’s helping.”
“It is. I just…” I bit my lip. No, there was no way to say that without sounding like I was fishing for sympathy or something.
Peyton tilted his head. “What?”
“I…” I dropped my gaze. Then I laughed because, eh, what the hell? I doubted I could do much to lookmorepathetic to this man. “I can’t lie—I’m still kicking myself for fucking things up with you.”
“For fuck—what? You didn’t fuck anything up with me.”
I met his eyes with a skeptical look of my own. “Come on. Let’s not kid ourselves. I’m grateful and I always will be, but nothing I’ve said or done over the past few months has been, shall we say, attractive?” Shaking my head, I turned away to get our coffee cups. “I don’t blame you at all. I’m just fucking pissed at myself for?—”
His hand materialized on the back of my neck, thetouch gentle but firm, and before I knew what was happening, he’d rotated me to face him.
And then his mouth was against mine.
For a second, I froze, but as he snaked his other arm around me and dragged his lower lip across mine, my brain and body caught up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and that little hum against my lips almost dropped my knees out from under me.
Peyton nudged me back a step so I was leaning against the counter, and he carded his fingers through my hair as he kissed the breath out of me.
