He smiled too, and was he… relieved? Because he sure sounded like it as he said, “Okay, great! Just, you know, text me when you’ve got time, and we’ll get on chat.”
“Perfect. We’ll talk soon.”
As much as I didn’t want to end the call, I needed to, and a moment later, we did. Though I was supposed to be heading down to the team meeting, I lingered in my room for a moment, still lying back on the bed as I replayed our call in my mind.
We hadn’t talked about anything substantial. It was just chatter about our days and the training facility’s gym and superficial things like that.
But the relief settling into me went so much deeper. As if talking to him at all, regardless of what it was about, soothed my soul.
Was that all I needed? To just spend some time talking to him and seeing his face, even if we were just shooting the breeze?
Maybe it was. All I knew was that after our call, I didn’t feel so scattered anymore. That untethered feeling was… not gone, but better.
I wiped my hand over my face, then stared up at the ceiling, Avery’s soft voice still ringing my ears like a roaring crowd after an overtime win. Talking to him helped, but it also didn’t. I was even more restless now. And I had to go to a meeting? And concentrate? And then come back and try to sleep at some point? When I wanted to be on FaceTime with him for another hour or three? How?
I sighed into the stillness. I was such a damn mess. For all I tried to gaslight myself into thinking I didn’t know why, I knew exactly why.
I wanted Avery.
I wanted him on the ice with me. On the bench with me.
In this goddamnedbedwith me.
“Fuck my life,” I said aloud. Now was so not the time. He needed to focus on his therapy, his recovery, and his grief. He needed to concentrate on getting back up to speed so he could play hockey again. The last thing in the world he needed was to stumble into anything with me, whether it was for sex or… more than sex.
I squeezed my eyes shut.Fine, we wouldn’t hook up orget together, but could I at least see him? Like, in person instead of a twenty-minute FaceTime call?
Christ. Is it time to go back to Pittsburgh yet?
I’d been on some long road trips during my time as a hockey player. Some much longer than this one.
But I didn’t think I’d ever been this homesick in my life.
“Tough game, eh?” On my screen, Avery offered a sympathetic grimace.
I sighed, settling back on the hotel bed. “I take it you watched?”
“Yeah. I was helping Rachel with the kids today, and we decided to watch the game before I headed home.”
Jealousy flared in my chest, and I couldn’t quite explain it. I loved that Avery was spending time with Leif’s family, and they probably appreciate his company and his help. It was agoodthing. It was probably great for his recovery to not be alone, too. Plus, I mean, Avery and I weren’t together. I had no claim on him. And I was pretty sure he was gay, not bi, so Rachel wouldn’t be on his radar even if she had any interest in dating this soon after losing her husband.
Am I just stupid? Is that the issue?
I tamped that weird feeling away. “How is she doing?”
Avery half-shrugged. “I mean, she’s struggling, but all things considered, she’s doing good. We took the kids to the science center this afternoon, which was a lot of fun.” He chuckled. “They passed out the minute we put them to bed.”
“I bet they did,” I said with a laugh that hopefully didn’t sound as forced as it was.
Seriously, what was wrong with me?
Besides the fact that I wish I could’ve been there.
Ah.Thatwas it. I wasn’t jealous or territorial like someone who thought his boyfriend was interested in someone else—I was jealous that she got to see him at all.
I fuckingmissedhim.
I cleared my throat. “How are the kids?”
