Sobering, I said, “Listen, I don’t…” I hesitated, gnawing the inside of my cheek. Then I met her gaze. “I don’t want to pour salt on wounds or anything. But I have some things of Leif’s. I, um… I want to give them back, but if it’s easier for me to hold on to them for now, I can.”
Renewed pain flickered across her face. “What things?”
I couldn’t begin to explain why my voice tried to crack as I whispered, “His golf clubs.”
Her features threatened to crumple too, but she rallied and cleared her throat. “God, I totally forgot about those.” She rolled her shoulders. “I think his brother might like to have them.”
“Okay. I’ll—” I stopped myself before I said I’d go out to the car and grab them. I didn’t want to explain to Rachel that it was still in my trunk. I didn’t want her to figure out that they’d been there since August. That no one had moved or touched them since he’d put them in there beside mine. That moments after he’d put the clubs in the place they still were today, he’d ridden out of the parking lot on his bike, and I’d never seen him again.
I shifted a little and coughed to get my breath moving. “I’ll bring them by next time.”
Her sad smile made me glad I’d kept that card close to my vest. It seemed like such a small, inconsequential thing, but if there was one thing I’d learned in the months since we’d lost her husband and my best friend, it was thatnothingwas small or inconsequential.
“Thank you, Avery,” she said. “And… thank you for being here. I hate that you’re grieving too, but it’s nice to not be alone.”
“Yeah. It is.”
Her words brought me up short, though. It hadn’toccurred to me that she might feel alone in this. It made perfect sense—it just hadn’t crossed my mind.
Unaware of my brain catching on her comment, she rolled her shoulders and pushed out a breath. “On that note, how about we order some food? Because if we’re going to be sad, we should at least stuff our faces with good Thai food.”
I laughed. “That is some sound logic.” I picked up my phone. “Your usual?”
“Yeah.” She paused, wrinkling her nose. “Zero star spice, though.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Seriously? You don’t want that crazy five-star shit you always order?”
“Oh, I do.” She scowled and pointed at her belly. “He, however, does not.”
I blinked. Then I shook my head, and as I opened the app, I muttered, “That kid is grounded untilhigh school.”
Rachel laughed with some actual feeling, and it was the best thing I’d heard all day.
CHAPTER 30
PEYTON
Road trips were a normal part of a hockey player’s life. From the time we started playing above local peewee leagues, traveling to games was as normal as lacing up our skates. Buses, planes, hotels, restaurants—it was as much a part of the sport as the ever-present funk of hockey gear.
But two games into this four-game road trip, I was restless. Hell, I washomesick. Not for Nebraska or Iowa, though, and not for Detroit—for Pittsburgh.
For Avery’s place.
For Avery.
We’d played tonight in Denver last night and then flown to Vegas, landing at around two in the morning. I’d slept, I’d practiced with the team, and now I had a little time to myself before a team meeting this afternoon.
If I was smart, I’d spend that time getting caught up on some sleep.
If I was smart, and if I wasn’t so damn restless that I couldn’t sit still.
Restlessness came with being a hockey player—most of us were incredibly wired and constitutionally incapable ofbeing still for very long. I was probably on the calmer end compared to some of my past and present teammates. I’d played with some guys who were so full of energy all the time, they practically vibrated when they had to sit for any length of time. Today, I was pretty sure I could give most of them a run for their money.
Lying back on my hotel bed, I swore aloud and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. Restlessness was normal, but I didn’t recognizethisfeeling. It didn’t make sense. From the moment I’d boarded the bus at the arena and watched Avery walk back to his car, I’d felt…
Untethered? Was that the word? Close enough.
All because I was away from Avery. Why was I such a damn mess for him? Yeah, I’d had a crush on him before coming to Pittsburgh. And then there was that period where everything between us had felt like a powder keg getting ready to blow, and not in a good way.
