But no. That wasn’t what she wanted. We both knew people in open relationships and polycules, and honesty and communication wereparamount. Going behind our backs? Lying to us? No, Selena wasn’t someone who wanted to be polyamorous. She wanted to fucking cheat. She wanted to sneak around, deceive us, and—I didn’t know. Maybe she liked the thrill of it? Whatever.
Either way, any kind of non-monogamous arrangement was off the table for us because we weredone. I’d get through this until she left for her bachelorette weekend, and then I’d bail, and I’d put it all behind me. I couldn’t have cared less what kind of relationship she had after this because it wouldn’t be with me.
And what had her endgame been, anyway? There was a part of me that wanted to nudge her awake, turn on a light, and grill her, and that was the biggest question I had. How was this supposed to play out? Did she plan to just keep stringing him along while she was married to me? Or would she get bored with one of us and cut him or me loose?
Another thought wormed its way into my mess of a brain: if Jesse hadn’t told me, how long would it have gone on before I’d found out? Would I haveeverfound out?
Christ. I had never been so disgusted, confused, humiliated, and lost in my entire goddamned life. I still had every intention of keeping the charade going until she went out of town, but just looking at her in the darkness made my insides roil.
I couldn’t spend another minute beside her. Not right now.
Careful not to disturb her, I got up, took my phone off the nightstand, and went into the living room. There were a few bottles of liquor calling my name, but I had to work in the morning, so I settled for some ice water.
On the couch, I sipped my water and tried to mindlessly scroll my phone. What did it say when doomscrolling was less stressful than sleeping next to the woman I was supposed to marry next weekend?
God, what a mess.
I had to wonder how this all looked from Jesse’s point-of-view. He’d obviously been hurt, too, but he’d had more time to process the truth. He’d had time to find his bearings.
Maybe he could help me find mine.
I didn’t have him on social media, and I didn’t want to text him and wake him up, so I opened my email app and started typing.
Jesse,
Thank you again for reaching out. I’m still processing. It’s all a shock. I have questions about you and her. You don’t have to answer them. But if you’re willing to tell me about some things, let me know. Maybe I can buy you a beer tomorrow.
Eric
Then I sent it before I could talk myself out of it. Once the message was gone, I put my phone facedown on the armrest and picked up my glass. As I rolled an ice cube around in my mouth, I tried for the millionth time to make sense of things.
Before I got very far, though, a softpingturned my head.
To my surprise, there was a notification that I’d received an email.
Eric,
I’m an open book. Ask anything.
Jesse
Oh. Shit. He was online? And awake?
Apparently so, because a second later, a text came through.
Can’t sleep?
I laughed outright at that. I didn’t see sleep happening any time soon. Not easily, anyway. As I crunched down on the ice cube, I sent a reply.
Can’t sleep.
Same. What do you want to know?
I wondered if he was a night owl by nature, or maybe an insomniac. Or maybe, like me, Selena was the reason he was wide awake at 2:00 am. It occurred to me I knew absolutely nothing about him aside from…
Well, I mean, I had some carnal knowledge from our threesome, and there’d been that revelation that he’d been my bride-to-be’s sidepiece for the better part of a year. Apart from allthat, though…
I was curious about him, but we weren’t texting in the middle of the night to get to know each other. He was helping me sort through the wreckage of my relationship, and I needed to focus on that, even if asking about his non-Selena life would’ve been much more pleasant.
