I liked Jesse. I was hot for him. I believed he liked me and was hot for me, too. Those would be true even if we’d met without ever crossing paths with Selena.
But both of our breakups had been sudden, painful, and recent. I didn’t want to use Jesse to get over Selena. He deserved better than that, and so did I.
Which meant…
Goddammit.
With a sigh, I gently released his hand and rolled away. Then I got up and shuffled out of the room, both to take a leak and to get a moment alone to clear my thoughts.
In the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror.
I was a mess. I was still coming to terms with how things had gone down with my ex. I was still picking up the pieces after having to cancel my damned wedding at the last minute.
Am I even remotely ready for whatever is going on with Jesse?
My shoulders sagged and I pushed out a breath. No, I wasn’t ready for that. I was a trainwreck thanks to Selena, and Jesse was probably still grappling with that aftermath too. Which meant we were courting disaster if we kept doing whatever the hell it was we’d started last night. Dating, friends with benefits—whatever it was, this wasn’t the right time for it.
No matter how much I wanted to. No matter how good the sex was, or—more to the point—how good themanwas. It blew my damned mind how Selena had mistreated him. How did someone get someone that amazing and treat him like garbage?
I blew out a breath.
He’s that amazing, and you want to stop this thing?
No, I didn’t. Not in the least. I just couldn’t convince myself it was a good idea or that I wouldn’t be leading him on somehow.
I held my own gaze a moment longer.
I really am a mess, aren’t I?
I needed to think. Really think. Ideally before Jesse woke up and I said something I couldn’t take back.
So, I slipped back into the bedroom where he was sleeping, pulled on a pair of sweats, and went downstairs for some coffee. Maybe the caffeine would bring clarity, and I could talk myself out of ending this thing with Jesse.
The caffeine did help me wake up, and that did bring me some clarity.
Unfortunately, that just cemented the realization I’d already had. With my brain running on all eight cylinders, it was harder to convince myself last night had been a good idea. Or, well, that continuing it this morning was a good idea. Last night wasexactly what the doctor had ordered. It was fun and sexy and perfect, even if it was a bad idea.
It wasthispart that sucked.
The fact that I felt worse now than I had before we’d hooked up said it all. I didn’t want to regret last night, but the queasy knot in my stomach and the“what the fuck are we doing?”bouncing around in my skull said Ididregret it.
We shouldn’t do this. We can’t do this.
No matter how much I want to do this.
Why is letting go of you harder than letting go of Selena?
That thought was a bucket of cold water, and the answer was easy, too. Letting go of Selena had hurt because of all the reasons I’d been breaking things off. She’d cheated on me and lied to me—that was what hurt.
Jesse hadn’t done a damn thing wrong and neither had I. We just weren’t in a good place to continue what we’d been doing. Or at least I wasn’t.
The floor creaked overhead, and I closed my eyes as I swallowed hard. I listened to him moving around, my pulse ticking up as I waited for him to start down the stairs. Was I ready for this? Was I really going to do it? Was Isurewe couldn’t findsomeway to make this work?
He came down, and I turned right as he cleared the bottom step.
One look at his bare torso had me walking back my decision.
One look at his face, though—his sweet, sleepy smile—cemented that decision. He wasn’t just a hot piece of ass who I wanted to fool around with. He was Jesse, and I owed him honesty.
