His shoulders relaxed minutely. “Maybe. I don’t know. I just felt really bad about everything.”
“I know. I get it. And hey, you said yourself that feelings don’t have to make sense.”
“Thank God for that, because they sure as fuck don’t.”
“Ugh. No. They don’t. Like… I always thought if someone cheated on me, I’d just hate them. I’d walk out with both middle fingers held high and think of what an asshole they were. I didn’texpect…” I swallowed hard as some of those unexpected feelings tried to close in. “I hate that Imissher.”
Saying those words out loud almost made me heave. Why the fuck did I miss this woman who’d run me through the wringer?
“I get it,” Jesse whispered.
“You do?”
He nodded, staring out at the night sky again. “I mean, I wouldn’t take her back after this. Not in a million years. I could never trust her again, and I sure as shit wouldn’t want to touch her again.” He sniffed sharply, and when he turned to me, a hint of tears glittered on his lower lashes. “But it’s hard to let go of who Ithoughtshe was.”
Fuck. Ouch.
I took a deep swallow from the glass and stared up at the night sky, telling myself again that it was the alcohol making my eyes sting. “That’s what it is, isn’t it?” I almost choked on the words and all the emotions that were bubbling up. “I don’t miss her. At all. But goddamn, you’re right. The person I thought she was…”
“Does that mean we were gullible idiots?” he croaked. “Or was she just that good at selling a lie?”
I thought about it. “Maybe both?”
He laughed softly. “Yeah. Maybe.” He peered into his beer bottle. “Ugh. I need more alcohol.” He pushed himself to his feet. “You want anything?”
I shook my head. “I’m good.”
He gave a little nod and slipped inside, leaving the slider open enough for a cat to get through. Not that Chili seemed at all interested—he was quite comfortably situated in my lap.
I petted him, enjoying the low rumble of his purr. A memory flashed through my mind of noticing some cat hair on one of her hoodies while I was doing laundry. I’d dismissed it in themoment because maybe one of her friends had a cat I didn’t know about.
I had to wonder now if those had been evidence of her affair. I just hadn’t noticed because I hadn’t been aware of Chili’s existence, never mind who owned him.
Still petting him, I sighed and gazed up at the sky again.
Two weeks ago, I’d had no reason to believe tonight would be anything other than my wedding night. Now, here I was—getting shitfaced and teary-eyed on the balcony of the condo owned by my ex’s affair partner.
Some part of me—the part that still cared about the version of Selena I’d been engaged to—wondered what she was doing tonight. If she was okay. How she was coping.
The rest of me was all too aware of my life getting turned on its ass, and she could go fuck herself.
I’d be okay. I had no idea how I’d move on from this. I had no idea what my life would look like a month, six months, a year down the line. Two weeks ago, I’d had no idea I’d be spending the night of my canceled wedding commiserating with the man she’d been cheating with.
But here I was.
And hopefully… somehow…
I’d be okay.
CHAPTER 8
JESSE
“Okay, buddy.” I looked at Clyde, who was curled up in a box on my desk, and I closed my laptop. “Time to go figure out dinner.”
He yawned and stretched but made no effort to get up.
“Come on, buddy.” I picked him up out of the box and draped him over my shoulder. “I need to close the office.”
