Tonight, though, I didn’t argue and I let them handle things. I felt guilty as I drove back to the condo, but also relieved. Especially after I swung into a liquor store and invested in a fifth of Jack Daniels.
Now I was home.
Well… “home.”
Jesse’s condo was nice, but it felt like home in the way I imagined a FEMA trailer would—four walls and a roof with running water and electricity, all of which I was grateful for, but none of it permanent. I had no idea where I’d end up after this, only that this wasn’t where I’d be staying in the long run.
I was sure glad to have it now, though. I didn’t know how I’d ever make up for any of this with Jesse; he’d saved me frommaking the biggest mistake of my life, and he’d given me a place to stay despite barely knowing me. Maybe that was just to assuage his conscience—I wasn’t stupid, I could tell he felt guilty about being Selena’s sidepiece—but I was grateful for it anyway. How I’d make it up to him, I had no idea.
There was time to figure that out. Tonight was for one thing and one thing only—getting fucked up.
Jesse was here now, but he was in his office with the door open just enough to let his cats go in and out. I didn’t know if he was still working or just chilling on his computer; either way, I didn’t want to bother him. Instead, I changed out of the shirt and tie I’d been wearing, put on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt my ex had hated, and went into the kitchen to find a glass.
The evening was pleasant, so I took my glass, the bottle, and my phone out to the balcony. I would’ve been happy to shut off my phone and leave it in a drawer tonight, but there were still friends and family finding out about the canceled wedding. I was still getting the odd text or call. As much as I wanted to shut out everyone and everything, I was trying not to be an asshole to people who were concerned and wanted to check on me.
Ironically, I’d fielded several texts from two of my ex-boyfriends and an ex-girlfriend. I’d stayed close to all of them over the years, but I’d very nearly severed ties with them because Selena didn’t like me maintaining those friendships. Fortunately, I’d come to my senses and told her that they’d been good friends longer than they’d been partners. They were part of my life, and that was non-negotiable. The one concession I’d made was not inviting them to the wedding.
I regretted that now. I was just grateful all three of them understood and hadn’t distanced themselves from me. They’d still offered congratulations, and today, on the day of the wedding they hadn’t been invited to, they’d all reached out to check on me.
Darren
Right before the wedding? JFC. Sorry to hear it. Are you hanging in there?
Bree
Hey, are you doing okay?
Max
That’s fucked up, man. Let me know if you need anything. We can go get shitfaced until you forget you ever met her!
Guess you really do find out who your friends are in situations like this.
At least my phone had been blessedly silent for a while. Today’s get-together and a few brief social media posts had probably answered most people’s questions, and information was no doubt moving through the grapevine. I didn’t know how many people were aware ofwhywe’d broken up, never mind how many knew about her apparently preexisting penchant for cheating, and I wasn’t interested in smearing Selena’s name. I was pissed, sure, and deeply hurt, but all I wanted to do was put this behind me as quickly as I could. Turning it into a gossipy scandal would only make things worse.
Out on Jesse’s balcony, there were two metal chairs on either side of a small table. I took one, and I sat back and gazed up at the sky.
I tried not to think about how this was exactly the kind of weather Selena had hoped for. Our wedding reception would’ve been indoors, but there was also an enormous patio area with lights strung up around tables and a dancefloor.
“Maybe we’ll get lucky,”she’d said excitedly after we’d visited the venue.“Dancing outside on a warm night under those lights—that would be perfect!”
In the moment, I’d thought so too. Romantic. Festive. The woman I loved bathed in a warm glow with a huge smile on her face as we celebrated our marriage.
I exhaled into the perfect evening she’d envisioned and swiped at my stinging eyes. Then I took a deep swallow from my glass because I was not nearly drunk enough if I was still thinking about the damn wedding.
A quiet thumping sound nudged its way into my awareness. I thought for a moment it was my own heartbeat, but then I realized it wasn’t the right rhythm. And it sounded like…
I twisted around in the chair to see Chili sitting up on his haunches and pawing at the glass. Chuckling, I pulled open the sliding glass door, and as soon as the gap was wide enough, Chili trotted out onto the balcony.
“Hey, buddy.” I left the door open a few inches so he could go back in, then leaned down to scratch his back. He arched it and turned in circles, kneading on the concrete as a loud purr started up.
For the first time all day, I smiled andfeltit. My whole world sucked right now, but I had a soft spot for animals.
Good thing Selena and I hadn’t gotten a dog yet.
My smile died away and my chest tightened. Our lease had forbidden pets. We’d had a million conversations about how when we bought a house, the first thing we’d do was get a dog. Or two. And probably a couple of cats.
Another bullet dodged. We could have as much of a clean break as anyone could, and nobody had to say goodbye to a beloved pet.
