Now I felt like a dick.
“Oh,” I said quietly. “I’m… Damn. I’m sorry. I didn’t…” I rubbed the back of my neck and blew out a breath. “I didn’t realize you had that much going on.”
“No one did,” he said just as softly. “No one except him.”
I swallowed.
“So the night I met you,” he went on, “I thought… I don’t know. I thought I could put myself out there. Maybe even hook up with someone. But…” He shook his head.
I cocked a brow. “So, it wasn’t me, it was you.”
Avoiding my gaze, he nodded. “It wasn’t you. For what it’s worth, I didn’t hook up with anyone that night. Or any night since.”
I blinked. “You… really?”
“Really. When I said I was leaving, I meant it. I went home. I wasn’t… My head, it wasn’t in a good place. And the rest of the off season, it still wasn’t.”
Oh. Shit. Now Ireallyfelt like a dick.
“I mean it,” he said quietly. “It had nothing to do with you. You’re…” He laughed almost soundlessly and looked me up and down, a faint and fleeting grin breaking through the shyness. “There was nothing at all wrong with you.”
I gulped. Oh. Wow.
Then the grin was gone and his shoulders fell, as did his gaze. “I wanted—I just wasn’t as over him as I thought I was. It wasn’t a good place for me to be. With you or anyone else. I’m…” He paused for a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
Chewing my lip, I nodded. “Yeah. I get that. And I mean, look, you weren’t obligated to go anywhere with me. Or to sleep with me. Whatever.” I waved a hand. “It was the part where you seemed so into me, and then you just, like… I don’t know. You just suddenly weren’t. That was kind of a kick in the balls.”
It was impossible to explain that without being pathetic. Especially since I couldn’t explain to him that I’d had a wicked crush on him since long before either of us had even walked into that building. He hadn’t known. He couldn’t have known. And it wouldn’t have made him any more obligated to screw me. It just… sucked to get rejected.
“I get it now, though,” I whispered. “I don’t think I’d have been in a great place right then either. Especially if everything I heard about you two is—” I snapped my teeth shut. Shit, that probably wouldn’t help, reminding him just how much of his breakup had been splattered all over social media and the tabloids. Hockey players didn’t usually even warrant that much coverage, but apparently a nasty breakup between a couple of queer teammates was sensational enough to gossip about.
Vasily raked a hand through his hair and exhaled. “Everyonein hockey knows about me and my ex. It was…” His cheeks colored, which was annoyingly cute. “It sucked. Going from such a private relationship to such a public breakup.”
I grimaced. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound like fun.”
In fact, I recalled seeing some images of him in the aftermath. In among the usual shots of players leaving the bus and walking into a hotel or the arena, there were pictures of him with downcast eyes and a pained expression. Even when he was signing things for fans, his usual smile was gone. I couldn’t imagine how much the whole shitshow had taken out of him.
And if I’d felt like a dick before…
I exhaled. “Listen, I think we got off on the wrong foot about, well, everything.”
“Maybe,” he admitted.
“I’d like to buy you a beer,” I offered timidly. “If you have time.”
He studied me for a moment. I wondered if he was trying to figure out how to reject me. Again.
Before I could rescind the offer out of cowardice, though, he said, “All right. Sure.” He gazed around. “I, uh… I don’t know much about this area.”
“It’s all right. I know a place we can go.”
I gave him the name of a sports bar nearby, made sure he had it on his GPS, and then we headed to our respective cars.
And all the way there, I hoped a beer would be enough to smooth things over.
CHAPTER 4
VASILY
