And now I’m betraying her.
Steeling her nerves, Bryn opened the door and faced the woman whose lover she was about to marry.
Chapter
Two
THE ROOFTOP VISIT . . . shared pain . . . forget about the past . . . first a chance, then trust . . . sneaky Val
A bolt of apprehension shot through Bryn from the base of her skull to the tips of her toes as she opened the shed door to face Saraj.
The head falconer was dressed in her usual forest-green gown with the long slits up the sides and trousers underneath to facilitate the movement she needed for her work. Her long dark brown hair was pulled back in a loose braid, letting strands blow around her face. She folded her arms tightly across her chest.
“Saraj,” Bryn said, wringing her hands. “I cannot tell you how sorry I am about—”
“Stop.” Saraj’s face was firm as a stone, but Bryn saw a wealth of emotion glistening in her eyes: anger and hurt swirling together. “I don’t wish to hear it.”
Saraj tore her eyes away from Bryn and looked out to sea. For a long time, she said nothing, then finally took a deep breath. “I am not angry with you, Bryn. I know this marriage was notyour idea nor your wish. People in your and Trei’s positions are expected to do what is best for their kingdoms, including forming advantageous alliances through marriage.” Her chin tipped high but then her strength gave way and her face twisted with anguish. A moment passed before she was able to gain control of herself again. “But by the gods, it’s unfair. It’s such a mess, Bryn. Rangar and you. Trei and me . . . ” She shook her head, unable to continue.
As relieved as Bryn felt that Saraj hadn’t come to accuse her of trying to steal Trei, the relief was short-lived. This was a woman whose heart was broken just as badly as Bryn’s. Bryn felt tears in her own eyes and stepped forward hesitantly, wanting to comfort Saraj but unsure if Saraj would accept it.
Saraj sucked in a breath, apprehensive, but then wrapped her arms around Bryn.
The two women held each other fiercely, feeling one another shaking in their arms. Bryn wiped away tears, pressing her face into Saraj’s shoulder. Saraj hugged her tightly and then finally let go. Though she had managed to keep tears at bay, her eyes were red.
“I feel deeply guilty for my anger,” Saraj admitted. “I know this is what’s necessary for the kingdoms. Tens of thousands of people’s security and livelihoods are at stake, so what does my heart matter? But Bryn, it’s crushing. When Trei told me the news this morning, I thought I would suffocate from rage.”
“I understand how you feel,” Bryn whispered. And she did—she knew the weight of that same crushing anguish. Resting her hand on her friend’s arm, she said, “Saraj, I assure you, I have no romantic feelings toward Trei. I would never wish to take him from you.”
Saraj nodded, wiping her nose. “I know. Believe me, Trei and I talked circles around each other this morning. At one point, I threatened to have my falcon gouge out his manly parts. Butas much as I hate it, I don’t know what to do but accept it.” She sighed and leaned back against the shed’s stone wall as she murmured, “Duty comes before love.”
But then her eyes flashed to Bryn, uncertain, and she added, “Right?”
Bryn swallowed. This was the ultimate question that had been going through her own head ever since the night before when King Aleth had broken the news that the only way to ensure safety for both their kingdoms was for her to marry Trei.
Duty or love, love or duty.
She’d debated it all night until her mind had turned to mush. She felt torn between the two ideals, just as she felt torn between the Mirien and the Baersladen. One was the home of her birth, the other her adopted home. She owed a massive recompense to the Mir people after her parents’ cruel reign, and she couldn’t turn her back on them now that she was the crown heir, yet her heart wasn’t in the Mirien.
It was here, with Rangar.
“Right,” Bryn echoed, though both women only stared at each other, far from convinced.
Saraj wiped her nose again and straightened, nervously smoothing her clothes. “King Aleth assures me that in time, all our feelings will fade. That we’ll forget there was a time when Trei and I were together, and you and Rangar. ‘Youthful dalliances.’” She paused, then shook her head. “I can’t imagine that’s true, but I want you to know that I’ll never hold it against you that you’ll marry Trei and give him heirs. If possible, I’d still like for us to be friends.”
Bryn felt her heart falter at the falconer’s words; it was one of the most magnanimous things anyone had ever said to her. Tightening her hold on Saraj’s arm, she said, “Saraj, you’re the closest thing I have to a sister here, and it would break my heart all over if I lost Rangarandyou.”
Saraj gave her a sad smile then whistled to Zephyr, who hopped onto her shoulder.
Saraj reached out to wipe away Bryn’s tears gently, as a sister would do. “Let us try our hardest to forget about the past. Tomorrow, you wed, and life will be different for all of us.”
All day,Bryn mulled over Saraj’s words.Duty comes before love.
It was what she’d been raised to believe and had indeed been true for her family members. Her mother had wed her father as part of a political arrangement. Her sister, Elysander, had been betrothed from birth to Duke Dryden in Dresel, and while Elysander seemed pleased with the match, she certainly wasn’t in love with the man. Likewise, Bryn’s brother, Mars, had never formed any true romantic attachments before his death, knowing he’d one day have to marry for political reasons.
So why should I feel sorry for myself?Bryn asked herself.What is being asked of me is no different from any other royal.
Yet her assurances felt stale. She couldn’t imagine going through life without Rangar by her side. And the worst of all was knowing that hewouldbe close. Every day, she’d have to see him around the castle knowing full well that she was in love with him…yet bedding with his brother.
