“Thank you,” I say. I wait for him to lock the grate again. Then, and only then, do I step forward and take the small tray which holds the food. I sit cross-legged on the floor while I eat because Alice will soon return and this is where I will stay for most of the day. On the floor. Playing with a child through prison bars.
I draw from my work as a teacher years ago. And also as a mother, although those memories are locked away, behind that invisible line. The before and after of Annie’s death. They are provoked now by Alice and the things she makes me do. How we would play board games together, me and John and our three children. And how Annie hated to lose, just like Alice when we played Candy Land. Nicole and Evan would yell at her and she would cry. Not every time. It was just a stage. A normal stage that children go through. Learning to play nicely. Learning how to handle disappointment.
I think I was good at this, at teaching them these lessons, because I know what to do with Alice. It comes to me without effort.With the ease of experience. And it comes to me with the pain these memories provoke.
Alice returns with the dolls. She hands me Suzannah.
I sip my coffee. Take a bite of my food.
“What should we do today,” Hannah asks Suzannah.
I swallow as I think through my data and what is still needed.
“I’m very angry today,” Suzannah says.
“How come?” asks Hannah.
And then I adjust my voice so it is just right. So Alice will not see the path I am leading us down.
“I had a fight with my mother.”
Alice smiles, and tilts Hannah to the side so she can reach through the bars and give my doll a hug.
And I think,that’s right, Alice.
Keep reaching through these bars. And maybe one day soon they will open.
16
Day fourteen
Ididn’t think it mattered.
That was the first excuse Kurt Kent made. Then,I felt bad for the guy.
What did he think Nic was going to do? Laugh at Roger Booth because his girlfriend left him after high school? Torture him with bad memories from his adolescence?
Finally, he gave an answer that rang true.
“I thought you might accuse him of having something to do with your mother’s disappearance.”
Nic watched the wall of trees pass as she fought to stay calm.
“You’re the one who told me about Daisy Hollander,” Nic reminded him.
“I know.”
“So you must have known it would lead right back to him.”
Kurt started to say something but then stopped. A long sigh, a glance out the side window—
“What?” Nic asked now.
“I wasn’t thinking about Booth when I told you.”
“Well, maybe you should have—he lied to me about it.”
“What do you mean?”
