“I love to see you smiling.” Tammy’s voice broke me out of my thoughts.
“I feel good girl, the past week was foggy for me. I found myself back in a ‘whoa is me’ mode and I hate when I get like that. Devin wasn’t making it no better. To be honest, I feel our end coming soon. I guess I’ve been preparing myself for the shit, instead of denying it and trying to work on whatever that probably don’t need working on.” I admitted honestly.
“Girl, no! We don’t work on shit that ain’t worth fixing. Besides your up and down moods…you know that you the shit, Tavia. I ain’t just saying that shit cause I love you either.” I could hear the smile in her voice.
“You are saying it because you love me.” I chuckled.
“Yeah whatever. I just hate when you get in those self-loathing moods. I be wanting to pop up on you and shake you by the shoulders for ignoring my damn calls.” Tammy sighed into the phone.
I felt bad because when I’d get into one of my moods, I found myself less in the mood to even talk on the phone. I would go completely in auto mode. Work, then home. It made me wonder if that was why Devin and I were in an awkward place in our relationship.
I quickly shook my head at that revelation. What I refused to do was blame myself. Although my happiness didn’t depend on him, he hadn’t brought any light into my world either. I was a fair person, that always acknowledged my flaws before I pinpointed flaws in others.
“Where’s Mr. Cornball?” Tammy asked.
My stomach shifted. I wished it was Tammy that I was meeting up with at this event and not Devin. I really hoped that he didn’t ruin my good mood today.
“I told him I’d meet him there. We not in a good place right now. I told him he needs to help pay rent and he wasn’t home when I got there last night. He probably won’t come back at all since I reminded him of what he needs to do as a man.” I said lowly, pursing my lips.
“Mmmhmmm… You look too cute to not be in a good mood. That nigga needs to step it up or move the fuck on. If he gets to acting weird, I’ll come up there and turn up with you. We can go to this bomb after hour spot I found last weekend.”
“I’ll let you know girl. Devin so weird though, if he ruins tonight…I’m going to break things off. I done got too comfortable with him anyway.” I admitted.
“And that is something I won’t sit up on this phone and deny to you.” Tammy chimed in and agreed smoothly.
“I know.” I whispered.
“Cause the old you, would get rid of a nigga fast no matter how much you digging them. You used to be Mrs. Switch A Nigga Out Fast. I don’t know why you’ve been stagnant with his ass.” She smacked her lips.
“Change is coming soon. We will see how tonight goes though.” I stated more confidently.
“Alright babe, well enjoy the festival. Don’t be standing in no corner being all antisocial. Pop your damn shoulders or something.” She giggled.
“Pop my shoulders?” I laughed.
“Yes bitch, roll them bitches. Turn into Saucy Santana and make them big ol’ titties bounce! Don’t forget you used to be in the projects making that lil booty shake. Yo ass done got stiff with it.” She sucked her teeth.
“That’s when I used to smoke. I had to quit in order to get this stupid ass call center job.” I rolled my eyes pulling into the packed parking lot.
“About that, hopefully I can change that for you one day… I been getting more celebrities lately. I can refer them to you. That’s why I keep telling you to make an Instagram with some of the high-end events you’ve done. I swear you keep putting everything off.”
“Tammy I just pulled up, let me call Devin and tell him I made it.” I quickly changed the subject.
“Yeah okay, whatever. Have fun, be safe and text or call if you need me.” Tammy hung the phone up.
I sighed, relieved. Sure, I had hopes and dreams for myself. I never wanted to work at the job I was working right now but I had too in order to survive and stand on my own. I had several completed romance books that I’ve written. I also did events for people, designing their small weddings, making them look expensive. I loved event planning and making someone’s dream become their reality.
When my brother died, I mourned in a different way. I suddenly felt like California was too small for me to live in. Everything reminded me of Justin. We were close; besides Tammy he was like my best friend as well. I still randomly cried over him. My brother was a huge part in my sullen moods.
Tammy held me accountable; she reminded me of all the things that I said I wanted to do but put on hold.
I shot Devin a quick text then checked my face before stepping out of my car. I inhaled deeply then gave myself a positive pep talk. Things were awkward with Devin and I. I hated the way things were because besides him being a momma’s boy, he used to be actually fun to be around.
The crowd grew louder the closer I got to the entrance. I could feel the bass, hear people laughing, as bright lights flashed off metal barricades. I spotted Devin before he saw me, and my good mood dipped the second I realized that his ass wasn’t alone.
His friend Trey was posted next to him. I frowned instantly. Trey was the type who stared too long at women making them feel uncomfortable. He was creepy and perverted. He loved to compare women and put them against each other. He was nothing more but a messy little bitch boy to me. He thought he was funny, always cracking dry jokes and laughing at them before anybody else could.
I hated the idea of being in his company even for a minute of my time. I thought about turning on the ends of my comfortablesneakers until Devin spotted me and grinned. I had to admit; he looked good tonight. Devin’s once wild hair was slicked down with gel. Somehow, he managed to get his thick mane into a long ponytail. I didn’t have to ask him who put his hair into the ponytail with the long Indian braid stopping mid back. His mother always did his ponytails.
