I ran a hand down my face. My leg bounced faster as I contemplated running back out into the crowd to find her ass.
“I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m trying to calm myself down because I was ready to jump off the stage and snatch her ass up. I made the media in a negative light enough this month, so I kept pushing through my set instead of causing a scene…” I admitted.
I wanted to act a fool seeing Jatavia tonight. It was hard just to push through the rest of my song. When she walked away, I knew she wasn’t coming back to see the rest of my show. Thatshit ached me deep in my core. I wanted to snatch up the nigga she came with and demand for him to bring her ass back to me.
Truly inhaled sharply like she was choosing her words. That’s what I loved about my sis-in-love the most. She was very understanding and always down to earth with logical advice. I didn’t follow most of her kind advice, but I loved the sound and idea of it all.
“You really still in love with this girl, Dreu?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But whatever I feel, it’s strong. Too strong. Strong like…maybe I never stopped.” I tried to search my brain for the right answers.
Iceman dropped onto the other end of the couch, listening without pretending he wasn’t. I didn’t care, Iceman was my day one and he never judged a nigga. Rina hovered near the door but was smart enough not to interrupt me with bullshit.
“Dreu…breathe. You know your anxiety sometimes get the best of you.” Truly spoke gently.
“You always fall for his antic’s, Tru. He’s a grown ass man, he’ll be okay.” Bleu snapped in the distance.
“I’m trying but I can’t… I’m ready to do some crazy shit. I might just do some crazy shit, tonight if I remember the address. Any other time that shit comes to me.” I said blowing out a shaky exhale.
“I’m fuckin’ losing it in here…She looked just like I remember, but different too. She looked sad, like she needs something. The nigga she was with was all on my dick, but I guess that’s her nigga.” I frowned, talking in circles.
“So, you think you the man that could actually love her, Dreu?”
There it was, the reality that I faced plenty of times. I messed up, and Jatavia was adamant on not forgiving me. Back then, I was lost as fuck. Love wasn’t really on the menu for me. I took a strong liking for Jatavia; we bonded then I fell for her and stillthought like a jack ass that I could do me while keeping her by my side.
“Truly—” my voice broke and I hated that it did.
“I messed up with her before; I fucked up bad. But I swear to God…If I get another shot, I’m not playing with it. All the hoe in me? Gone. Dead. Buried. I’ll put in whatever work it takes.”
Fuck that, she’s mine… I’ll turn into a singing ass nigga and make her mine again,I thought. I listened to Truly hum thoughtfully.
“Then you need to approach this with honesty. Not your YN ego.” She giggled.
“I know.”
“And patience, Dreu. She’s not on your time, you’re on hers. She hasn’t tried to reach out to you, so that says a lot. It’s obvious she doesn’t care about your fame and the net worth that you got now. So that means you gone have to put in work to get back in her good graces.” Truly added.
“I know, sis.” I said lowly.
“And…you have to respect whatever life she has now.” Truly stated seriously.
I’m not respecting no nigga, if that’s what you trying to convey sis…I had to bite into my bottom lip to stop myself from saying the words out loud. I would respect the fuck out of my Pancakes, but I didn’t give a fuck about that short, chubby, high-yellow nigga that turned red in the face like a groupie hoe once I came out to perform tonight.
“I know.” I swallowed hard, already feeling a little defeated.
I had to go about shit different with Jatavia. She was different. I had money when I first met her, and it didn’t woe her like I thought it could.
“First step,” Truly said firmly. “Is finding out if she wants to see you. Don’t chase, just simply try to check in with her. Don’t apologize with words, I’m pretty sure you did a lot of apologizingover the years from those fake pages that you created on social media. You have to show her and then if she gives you a chance, you don’t hurt her again by taking that shit for granted, Dreu.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me.
“I won’t. I swear, not this time. It feels too right, like I got a chance.” I re-lit my blunt and inhaled deeply.
“Good,” Truly said softly. “Get you some rest and take it easy. Don’t force anything…let the universe continue to guide everything.” Truly said calmly.
I agreed and thanked her before hanging up.
It was funny that her ass mentioned the universe. I believed all that universe talk that women loved to yap about. But I wasn’t about to let the universe continue to play in my damn face like it had been doing for years. I stared down at the blunt and like magic flash backs of how to get to Jatavia’s house popped into the forefront of my mind.
