But I can’t stop. Everything keeps pouring out, quick and jagged, like the words have been trapped in my throat for months. “A bitch being pregnant? Wow. That’s just fucking perfect. He’s living with me, laying in my bed every night, pretending we’re building something—while another girl is physically walking around carrying his baby?” My voice breaks higher, anger tearing through the disbelief. “I can’t believe this shit Arina!”
Arina inches closer, shoulder pressing into mine, her voice calm in that way she only uses when she’s trying to keep me from losing it. “You don’t know if it’s true—”
I cut her off with a shake of my head, heat rushing to my face. “Maybe that’s why he moved out of his place with his roommate. Maybe it wasn’t even aboutus—maybe hecouldn’t afford it because he’s out here taking care of somebody else too.”
My throat tightens, but I force the words out. “And the job—” I swallow hard, every puzzle piece clicking into place like a cruel joke. “Now I know why he got fired. Fuck… I should’ve asked him sooner, but I didn’t think it mattered.”
“And now that I think about it, bitch—when I first met him at that party, I could’ve sworn someone was staring at me. Maybe it was one of her friends. I swear I couldn’t shake that feeling.”
Arina bites her lip, her eyes blown wide with the same disbelief ripping through me, but she holds her words, like even she doesn’t know where to put them yet.
My hands grip my knees, knuckles white, as the words tumble out of me in a rush. “Five months, Arina. Over five months of my life—fucking wasted.” Something heavy drags through my ribs, my stomach twisting so tight it hurts. “How do I even come back from something like this?”
My voice cracks again as I press my hands to my eyes, fighting the burn. “How did I miss this? How did I let this fucking guy move into our house? Sleep in my bed? How did I let him in so deep while he had an entire life on the side the entire time?”
Her hand finds my back, rubbing slow circles, gentle in a way that makes my chest ache even more. She still doesn’t speak, just lets me spill every jagged thought into the air.
“God,” I choke, breath catching hard. “If it’s true—if any of it’s true—what does that make me? Just the idiot he keeps warm at night while another girl’s carrying his fucking baby?”
A bitter, cracked laugh slips out before I can stop it. “I really thought moving in together meant something. Turns out maybe I wasn’t a decision—I was just a damn convenience.”
The silence after my words thickens the air. Arina pulls me into her, arms wrapping around my shoulders as she squeezes gently. “Hey. Look at me. You’re not stupid. You trusted him—that’s what love does to people. You gave him grace he didn’t deserve. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes him a coward for abusing it.”
I drop my hands into my lap, staring at the floor.
Arina shifts, her tone firm but fiery. “But Jainey… you can’t just sit on this shit. You can’t let it eat you alive in your head. If there’s even a chance it’s true—you need to confront him. Like today. Look him dead in the face and get the truth. Don’t let him think he can continue to play you and still sleep easy at night inyourbed. You’re not his little secret—make him sweat.”
My pulse jumps, racing at the thought of confronting him. I don’t say anything else. I just let the silence spread between us, my chest tightening around thoughts I can’t outrun.
I’m not enough.
I never am.
And lately… I’m starting to think I never was. No matter how much I give, no matter how hard I love, it never accounts for anything. I gave him almost all of me—my time, my trust, my space—and he ripped through it like it was disposable.
Like I’m disposable.
And there’s nothing he can say or do to fix this. Nothing.
I sigh, lift my head, and groan, “Bitch, last night was suppose to be one to remember—but now all I can think about is Levy and a fucking baby, and my mom showing up trying to ruin my night.”
She snaps upright, her baby blue’s wide. “I’m sorry—what?Your mom came here? Last night? Where the hell was I when that circus pulled up? What’d she want?”
“She—my dumbass brother—told her where I’m staying. I don’t even know why she showed up—all she did was talk shit, calling me a whore and any other names she could think of.” I laugh, but it’s bitter. “Which is crazy, because she was pregnant by my age with hersecondkid. But I’m a whore? Yeah,okay.”
Arina scoffs, rolling her eyes hard. “Girl, please. The nerve she has. She really wasted gas coming over here just to run her mouth? I swear, she needs a hobby that’s not you.”
I force a laugh, pushing the thought of her down like I always do—like she’s a chapter I should’ve closed a long time ago. Tracey will always be this way. Blind to the damage she causes and never seeing the bruises she leaves on my heart. I’m tired. But I can’t dwell on it right now.
“Yeah… I don’t even know where you were at the time—only that once Sunny told me she was here, I had to handle that shit alone. I haven’t even told Levy yet. But now I don’t even see the point—he’s got bigger shit to deal with, like figuring out where he’s gonna stay once I kick his ass out.”
Arina snorts, folding her arms. “Good. Don’t waste any more of your time on him. Let him figure out his own damn housing bullshit. And your mom can stay pressed from a distance like she’s been doing. We got enough drama without her adding to the fucking mix.”
“Tell me about it, bitch. I don’t even want to deal with myownmom drama.”
We keep cleaning, slipping around each other, music from Arina’s speaker filling the space like it’s suppose to help drain some of the tension in my brain. I force myself to sing a line or two, even let out a laugh when she makes a face at me, but the pit in my stomach doesn’t ease—not even a little. It just sits there reminding me of the truth that won’t leave me alone.
Levy really has a fucking baby on the way.
